Pieces of Me

‘Mo Money Mo Problems?’

2009-11-13T05:09:00.001-08:00

money, money, money

OnRepeat: One Republic - Say (All I Need)
CurrentlyCraving: An escape whether it’s a trip to Disneyland, a snowboarding trip, or a visit to Sin City Las Vegas, I'm in dire need of a 'getaway.'
TheMessage: ‘Mo Money Mo Problems?’ how about ‘No Money Mo Problems?’

MoMoneyMoProblems. Money… Like it. Loathe it. Want it. Waste it. But you just cannot ignore it. What is with money—that rumpled piece of printed-paper in your wallet that the world bows to its power—that makes it tick? We love it and we condemn it. We go all out to get as much of it as we can, then we berate it for being a temptation! We live with it and realize our dreams through it, yet are the first to say 'money can't buy everything'. How can you say ‘Mo Money Mo Problems?’ Wouldn’t money greatly reduce the number of problems you would have in life? Of course money can’t buy happiness and fix everything. but damnit let’s be real. Let’s effing talk ‘No Money Mo Problems.’

With my mom being the sole provider of a family of 4, my dad unemployed and ready to leave us for the Philippines, my brother an unemployed 8th year in college, and me, a UC Irvine senior that has a bartending license but currently unemployed, I’m not only seeing how important money is, but I’m also seeing how many problems arise from the lack of sufficient funds. Like everyone in the lower-middle class, those being greatly affected by this harsh economy, and college students, I’m on the effing grind every single day—stretching a dollar as far as it can go and making good use of any spare change I can find. Having ‘No Money’ has definitely created ‘Mo Problems.’ But even with all of that negativity going on, I learned to just appreciate the small things and see the good out of having no money. They can be summed up in 4 words: respect, cherish, need, and hope.

Respect. Being ‘broke’ usually has a negative connotation to it. But rather than looking at it like that, I learned to respect those who are on the grind. Yeah, we’re not as fortunate as others who get allowance weekly, have parents with well-paid jobs, get financial aid, or other forms of steady income holding us down. But, I do have high respect for those who work those 1 or 2 part-time jobs while being a full-time student to get by. Those people who take any jobs that they can because they know the importance of money and don’t give a fuck if they are making coffee for a douchebag at 6am because they know the moneys worth it. I have hella respect for all the moms and dads out there who are working effing hard to provide for their family. I learned to appreciate my mom so much more, knowing that she’s not only working a 12-hour shift but sometimes even overtime just so she can be the sole provider for our family. Those people are strong and you gotta have damn respect for them. Those people are on the grind and you got to appreciate what they do. So the next time you talk some shit on some worker at a fast-food chain, think that maybe they are doing it not by choice, but because they are on the grind.

Cherish. Not having money can mean that you don’t have money to spend which means no time to ‘kick it with the homies.’ It sucks not being able to go clubbing, pitch in for alcohol, watch a movie, get lunch/dinner with friends when you have no money to spare. But with that being said, when you do have money… CHERISH it. If you do choose to use it to ‘chill,’ then appreciate that money spent. Enjoy the effing movie, enjoy that dinner/lunch you had with your homie, enjoy the party you’re getting shitfaced at because as fortunate as it seems for you at the moment, you’ll never know when you won’t have enough money to indulge in moments like that ever again. I’m just saying, don’t take things for granted. Now that me and my family are really on the grind, I realized how much I appreciate things that we do together. Every dinner we share together, I cherish because I know that it’s now a rare occasion to go out to eat. Every year we used to go to Las Vegas for my mom’s birthday, and now I’m saddened at the thought of possibly not being able to go this year because we don’t have money to spare. I used to take a lot of things for granted. Now, I’m just going to cherish the moments I have. I ask you to do the same.

Need. I don’t mean to sound so cliché, but when you do have money SPEND IT WISELY. If you don’t learn the importance of saving and keeping track of your financial spending, karma will surely eff you up. There is a CLEAR DEFINITION of what you WANT and what you NEED. Being in the dance scene, I hate when people talk so much trash when someone doesn’t ‘look like a dancer.’ Rather than being so shallow, has it ever occurred to you that MAYBE someone just can’t afford those luxuries? I’d rather be able to pay for bills, have money for groceries, gas for my car, and money saved for emergencies than spend it on some fresh dunks, new clothes, and designer bags. I mean of course I WANT those things, but when it comes down to it, I don’t NEED them. Especially for those of you on the GRIND, don’t buy unnecessary shit. Real talk, you don’t need it. It’s not necessary for your survival. You looking cute or you looking steezed out doesn’t mean shit if you’re truly broke. Rather, I find it kind of ironic that you’re putting up a front and flossing all these luxuries when you can’t even afford to pay your rent. Point is that money comes and goes, when you have money use it for others [of course you can indulge and spend it on yourself every once and a while but it’s better when it’s shared], when you don’t have money don’t be iggnant and spend it unnecessarily because it’ll just cause more problems for you in the end.

Hope. Just know that money comes around and goes around. It’s not the end all be all. Of course you need it, but don’t give up hope if you’re on the grind and have no money. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you are hella broke too. There’s always going to be someone that’s doing worse than you, broker than you are, and grinding harder than you. Just know that those people don’t give up so you shouldn’t either. Looking at how hard my mom works, leaves me to believe that there’s hope. Hope that my family will be okay, hope that I’ll be able to finish my senior year at UCI and graduate knowing she didn’t waste her time and money on me, hope that when I graduate I’ll be making the money to pay her back and help out my family at the same time. So just keep that in mind, have hope. If you’re lacking that, just pray and God will take care of the rest. Also, it helps to never let go of your passions. With all these stresses in my life, I know I should be sacrificing something, but I would never sacrifice dance because not only is it my release, but also because my 3 teams are my family and they keep me sane and hold me down. You don't have to give up on your hopes and dreams to stay financially stable. Hang on to them, have hope, and who knows maybe you'll get paid to do what you love.

Gosh it’s been a while since I wrote a meaningful blog. I miss it. I’ve just been so busy with 20 units, 3 teams, a research project and a senior thesis to write that I haven’t had time to really put my thoughts into words. I'm not a terrible speaker, but I find that I express myself much more through writing these damn blogs than I could ever explicate in person. I’m looking to blogg more when I get the chance even if it means blogging at 5am in the morning. It helps me get things off my chest, find myself [another puzzle piece], and hopefully helps someone reading this figure something out as well.

Hope you are all having better days.
Again, buy a SHEROES shirt and go to “Dance For A Cause” Workshops.
And do me a favor and pray for me and those who are on the grind, they’ll/we’ll need it.
<3 kimmiko

Save the Philippines

2009-11-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

Save the Philippines

OnRepeat: Gangsta Luv -Snoop Dogg feat. The Dream
CurrentlyReading: HW due for the next 2 weeks
TheMessage: $15 make ya hollar :]

SaveThePhilippines. In addition to the "Dance For A Cause" workshop on FRIDAY NOVEMBER 20 from 5-9pm, to support the typhoon victims of the Philippines and help aid those whose lives has been torn from these tragic events.

Sheroes is ALSO selling "Save the Philippines" shirts for $15.
If you want to buy one, message a sheroe through fbook with your name and shirt size.
ALL PROCEEDS ARE DONATED TO HELP THE VICTIMS OF THE PHILIPPINES ♥

Hope you are all having better days.
Please advertise this workshop and bring everyone you know.
Also, if you are FILIPINO you have NO excuse NOT to BUY ONE.

<3 kimmiko

Dance For A Cause

2009-11-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Dance For A Cause

OnRepeat: NERD – Meet Me Halfway
CurrentlyReading: HW due for the next 2 weeks
TheMessage: SHEROES is HOSTING "DANCE FOR A CAUSE," on FRIDAY NOVEMBER 20 from 5-9pm, to support the typhoon victims of the Philippines and help aid those whose lives has been torn from these tragic events. PLEASE COME OUT AND SUPPORT!

DanceForACause. On September 28, 2009: At least 400 Filipinos have lost their lives, and 150,000 of their homes, to Typhoon Ketsana (Ondoy). The storm hit Luzon, the Philippines' main island, on Saturday, September 26th bringing a month's worth of rainfall to Metro Manila and nearby areas in just a few hours, causing severe flooding which resulted in the loss of many lives and the displacement of hundreds of thousands of people.

Up to 80 percent of Manila is covered in water. Rescue workers are reported to be overwhelmed. Forty-eight hours after the storm dumped the same amount of rain in one day as is typical for a whole month in the region, thousands of capital residents are still awaiting rescue on rooftops. Tens of thousands of people are sleeping in churches, schools, and outdoor parks. Many are pitching tents wherever they can. Roads and bridges have been washed away. In the capital of Manila alone, economic damage has already totaled $30 million.

Similarly, on October 3, 2009: At least 193 Filipinos have lost their lives and tens of thousands of people to fled their homes for safer shelter as Typhoon Parma (Pepeng) crossed the northern tip of the already storm-battered Philippines.

All the profits, donations, clothes, books, toys, and nonperishable canned goods will go directly to the Philippines.

So PLEASE!! Come Out & Support!!!

Registration starts at 5pm.
First class is taught by Monica Parales. [6-7pm]
Second class is taught by Brian "BAM" Martin. [7-8pm]
Third class is taught by Shaun Evaristo. [8-9pm]

Check out the flier for more details.
SEE YOU THERE!

Hope you are all having better days.
Please advertise this workshop and bring everyone you know.
Also, if you are FILIPINO you have NO excuse NOT to be there.
<3 kimmiko

Silver Wedding Anniversary.

2009-10-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: N.E.R.D – Anti-Matter
CurrentlyReading: Midterm Study Guide for PS149C.
TheMessage: November 3, 2009 is my parent’s 25th wedding anniversary.

11.3.09. My parent’s Silver Wedding Anniversary is coming up. Unfortunately I don’t have enough money to pay for a banquet hall or fancy party. I thought about sending them on a 3-5 day cruise or paying for a week’s vacation, but they kept telling me to save my money and spend it on school. So… I ended up making them a scrapbook. A lot of the pictures they had were just stacked on top of each other and collecting dust. So I thought, maybe if I could quickstyle put together a scrapbook that’ll commemorate their 25 years of marriage it’ll be greatly appreciated. I felt that if I hand-made the gift it’s better than me buying their gift. It’ll be more personal because I put my heart, soul, and time into making the gift. Anyway, I’m still working on what I’m going to hand-write in the scrapbook. The pictures enough are worth a thousand words… so the message I’ll have to write has to really be meaningful, sincere, and memorable enough to not be forgotten.

Here’s the scrapbook I’m giving my parents, minus what I have to write. Enjoy.

Hope you are all having better days.
Come support CADC’s first performance of the year with the 09-10 team on 11.5.09 at flagpoles at 1220pm.
BTW Watch me & Yack’s class online:
<3 kimmiko

CADC 2009-2010

2009-10-22T01:21:00.000-07:00

nuff said :]
YAY CADC 2009-2010!
I'm so effin happy and excited.
It's going to be a good year!! I CAN FEEL IT <3

Hope you are all having better days.
Come support SHEROES at CSSD Showcase this Saturday!
GAHH Pray for me I have 2 midterms next week lol.
<3 kimmiko

Kappa

2009-10-20T16:28:00.001-07:00

Tina, Erica, Becca, and I

OnRepeat: Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway
CurrentlyWatching: CADC 2009 Audition Videos of my Individual and Group
TheMessage: I’m a Newbie on CADC! YAY KAPPA Class. YAY for a new FAMILY

Kappa. I auditioned for CADC on 10.19.09. It was probably the most nerve-racking thing I’ve done in 4 years. I haven’t auditioned in 4 years, regardless of how many people were there to give me pep talks and support me, I was still tripping balls! I've never auditioned inside crawford hall. I've been to DC and KM Auditions and Judged CG Auditions. It's so interesting to see the tables turn. I wondered how nervous the auditionees must have been to see the judges, alumni, and bleachers full of people. Then I find myself in that same very predicament. I couldn’t stop practicing, pacing, smoking cigarettes, etc. I finally get called round 1 [individuals] with Sonia & Koko [Returners on DC], and my group gets called 2nd to last for round 2. For being there for 8 hours, it was worth it. Putting aside how effing nervous I was, it was good times. There was hella auditionees [200?] and a lot of talented dancers [yall were sick as fcuk!] Thank God for Becca Kim & Erica Lee. I love you mamaz =D We worked hard and danced hard. I’m really happy and proud of us. LADY GAGA!!! Lol. For those of you who weren’t able to make it to auditions here’s my videos. Compliments of my dormmate Kris Chow. He's the effing best. thanks for recording and for the pep talk. BTW, I messed up and had my nervous moments, but I tried my best. Enjoy.

CADC Auditions 2009 - Team Lady GaGa ♥

CADC Auditions 2009 - Individuals: Kimmiko, Koko, and Sonia ♥

I'm really excited for this upcoming year. I'm going to continue to "finish strong." Work hard, dance hard, give back, and have a lot of fun. I'm really excited to meet the rest of the Kappas and start training/dancing on CADC. Let the good times roll.

Hope you are all having better days.
Come Support Sheroes Workshops Wednesdays in October at Jayvee Dance Center in Alhambra.
YAY CADC KAPPA CLASS!
<3 kimmiko

Finish Strong.

2009-10-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Baby Dollz – My Cookie
CurrentlyCraving: Dole Whip from Disneyland and a trip to Vegas or some Indian Casino to satisfy my gambling itch.
TheMessage: Senior Year = Finish Strong. “The great philosopher Epictetus said, "It's not what happens to you, it's how you react that matters."

FinishStrong. It’s my senior year at UCI. I’m scheduled to graduate and walk Spring 2010. Looking back on my college life/career, a lot of shit happened—some good, a lot of bad—but regardless of all of that, I have one more year left and I want to do it big. I want to LIVE IT UP. I’m not going to have “Senioritis” and just “chill.” I’m going to go all out and not hold back on anything. What do I mean by this? This “Finish Strong” attitude is about choice. Only you have the power to choose how to respond to the challenges before you. So how will you choose to respond? Will you take up a challenge or let it pass you by? In my life, there are several struggles and choices that I have to make. I know that if I say “Yes” to something, I’m saying “No” to something else, so I've weighed my decisions out carefully. I’ve always been the type of person whose word is “good for it.” If I say I’m going to do something, you damn sure can count on me to do it to the best of my ability with no bullshit in between. I don’t believe in half-committing/half-assing something. So what are the choices I’ve made for 2009-2010? I’m clearly just going to list them, as a reminder to me and those of you following my blogg to be true to myself and keep me on check.

Dean’s list: I want to get on the Dean’s List one more time before I graduate
Complete UROP/SURP Research Project: I want to present my project flawlessly at the Undergraduate Research Symposium in May and get my proposal published in a journal.
Complete PS Honors Senior Thesis: I want to write a strong 60-80 page senior thesis and graduate with honors.
2 exhibition: Sheroes & Boxcuttuhz—Sheroes practices Mondays (8-12pm) & Saturday Mornings (11-2pm). Cuttuhz practices Mondays (9-11pm) and Saturday Afternoons (2-7pm). I know I’ll be really busy dancing, but I want this and I WILL handle it. I planned out my schedule so that SUNDAYS are, with no exceptions, homework/study day.
Bartending: I want to balance school, dance, and work. Land a steady bartending job and keep it.

Announcement. After much contemplation, I’ve decided to audition for CADC. At first I was hesitant because I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. I wasn’t sure if this is what I really wanted. Lastly, I was SCARED. But I realized, I have to “FINISH STRONG.” I don’t want to look back on my life and wonder “what if?” I rather GO FOR IT and get rejected giving it my all than not trying at all. At least if I give it my all, there won’t be anymore “what ifs” or “regrets” right? After much self-reflection and discussions with several close friends, I decided to do it.

I’m 100% committed to auditioning and I’m really excited for auditions [workshops week 3, audition week 4 CRAWFORD HALL on Monday OCT 19th @ 6:30pm]. I’m usually really shy as a person (good at 1-on-1 conversation, but not BIG groups), until you get to know me, but over this past summer, I’ve grown to love the team. I think every single person on that team is not only sick as fuck as a dancer, but also a genuinely good person that I wouldn’t mind getting lunch with or kicking it with. Of course I’m a little nervous. The last time I auditioned for a team was my freshman year in college [4 years ago!]. So wish me luck =D I’m going to give it my all and I hope that’s good enough.

I know this is something I want (not because people were telling me to). I want to grow as much as I can not only as a dancer, but also as a person and friend. I know if I make the team, DC can teach me A LOT. I have one more year left to dance “competitively” (Lord knows I’m not competing anymore after I graduate. I need to work full-time for 2 years, land that professional internship at Corporate Disney in Burbank, and save for Business Graduate School because my loans won’t be enough to cover my schooling if I go off the bat)and I’ve realized that DC is perfect not only because of it’s location, or the fact that it’s UCI based and I’m a UCI student, but because I know that if I make it on the team, it’s going to the be BEST FUCKING YEAR of my life. I can honestly feel the energy from the team, the love and respect that they share for each other as teammates and family, and I want to be a part of that. I have so much respect for them and hope I get the chance to share the stage with them and dance my heart out on stage for them. Thank God for Becca Kim and Erica Lee—my CADC audition group and DC returners. I’m really excited and happy we’re auditioning together. It’s going to be hella GOOD TIMES.

BeReal. I know there will be people our there cheering me on, those people I really am blessed to have in my life and thank you for supporting me. On the other hand, I know there will be other people who will be talking mad shit, those people I have no control over, but if you’re reading this I want you to know that I’m not going to let you phase me. I’m tired of trying to make YOU happy. This is what I want and like the movie 10 thing I hate about you, I’m not going to make ANYONE make ME feel like I CAN’T have what I WANT. I’m doing this for ME and if you were really down for me, you’d be a homie, respect that decision, and support it. And if you weren’t a homie to begin with, stop wasting your energy and time hating on me, spend that energy elsewhere and do something positive for a change. But if you do continue to hate, I’m just going to develop “tough skin,” and stop worrying so much bout what you say. I’ma just do ME and be HAPPY that way.

FinishStrong. Thanks for reading my blogg. Hope it was somewhat inspirational. I challenge you to always choose to Finish Strong and tell me about it. I’ll be here cheering you on. Sorry if I’m MIA too for the homies whom I’ve yet to chill with, get lunch/dinner with for 3-4 years. You know how I am. Just know I never forget about you guys and always appreciate that you're still there.

Pray for me & Wish me luck.
Hope you are all having better days.
& COME SUPPORT SHEROES. TAKE ME & YACKZ CLASS THIS WEDNESDAY!
It’s to a JERKIN SONG!! No joke, I’ll teach you how to JERK!!
<3 kimmiko

Come Support Your Fellow Sheroes!!

2009-10-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Best Best - Missy
CurrentlyReading: A bunch of reading assignments for 3 essays that are due this week
TheMessage: Come Support your fellow SHEROES at October JayVee Monthly Jam in Alhambra. Wednesdays from 730pm-830pm! Hope to see you there ♥

Update. Bartending. I finally passed my bartending exam, just got to wait for the speed test and to get my certification [takes about 2-3 weeks to process]. School. Some random mishaps with my classes this quarter. I really hope that I stay in my PS Honors thesis workshop and independent study otherwise I’m going to be fucked trying to return books & picking up 2 random ass classes during week 3. I don’t even want to think about adding and dropping classes, catching up in another pointless random class, and going through all that hassle. Family. My grandparents have been in and out of the hospital. They aren’t doing too well and want to go “home” to the Philippines. I don’t really have to explain that last sentence. I just pray and wish them the best. Dad. My dad’s currently unemployed which has been taking a big toll on my family right now. My mom cannot financially afford to support at family of 4. So it’s been pretty stressful lately. My parents have talked to me about dropping out of UCI because they can’t afford to pay for my education, so I claimed independent. They talked to me about getting a full-time job to help pay for bills, so I’m bartending. On top of all of that, they don’t know how we are going to pay for the house this month. I just keep praying that everything will be alright, even though I know it might not be. P.I. My dad says he’s going back home to the “P.I” for an indefinite amount of time. I cried and got angry over the matter, but I can’t do anything about it, so I’m just going to let it go and pray that we are strong enough here to keep going. 11.03.09. My parents 25th silver wedding anniversary is coming up next month. Sadly, they were hoping that one of their kids would be financially able to provide a celebration on their behalf… I’m not going to even get started on my brother, but like I said we can’t financially afford it. I have money saved and have a couple ideas on their presents. 1) Cruiseline tickets [3-5 day cruise] 2) Scrapbook commemorating their 25 years of marriage 3) Vacation package to Hawaii or Las Vegas [I’m hesitant on the latter, because Vegas means gambling which means spending more money]. 4) Spa or Concert tickets. If you have any ideas, shoot them my way please. Sam’s Birthday. Sam turned 20 on October 1st. I hooked him up with a 32GB 3rd gen Ipod Touch with screen guards and a case. I’m glad he likes his “Pikachu.” Dancing. Currently, I’m dancing on 2 teams. I am on Sheroes [which practices 1-2 times a week. Monday Nights regularly and occasionally Saturday mornings]. I am also officially a Boxcuttah [which we practice 2-4 times a week. Tues, Thurs, and Saturday. Occasionally on mon and wed as a make-up]. I love dancing, being motivated, and challenged to be a better dancer and person. I love having this vision for dancing and someone encouraging me to pursue it. I love helping someone who has a vision get to where they want to be. I’m so blessed and thankful to have Sheroes and Boxcuttahz in my life.

Sorry if I haven’t blogged in a while. I’ve been caught up with dance, school, and work.
Hope you are all having better days.
COME SUPPORT SHEROES. TAKE ME & YACKZ CLASS NEXT WEDNESDAY!
<3 kimmiko

Signs.

2009-09-08T13:47:00.000-07:00

**UPDATE 2: Dan called me earlier today. I really appreciate the conversation we had. Thank you for clearing up any misunderstandings. =D
**UPDATE: After making this entry, I got 2 comments regarding the blogg. I have read both of them. I really appreciate Linda for commenting on my blogg, you didn't have to even read it, but to hear your concern and want to make any misunderstandings fixed are greatly appreciated. I know thatsfresh.com is not about spreading rumors or starting drama, but rather a public forum for dance community news. I know when you posted you tried to stay as objective as possible to not show any form of bias or pointing of fingers until there is "proof." So thank you for that, I have no hard/ill feelings towards thatsfresh.com or to you/your post. My whole problem is with what CG said publicly on thatsfresh.com vs. what CG members said personally via word of mouth to members in the dance community--to say they are not trying to point fingers over thatsfresh.com, but for some members to say they think it's me in person to those not on CG is contradictory.

The second comment I received is upsetting. First of all, Dan if you wrote the comment, I wasn't blaming you of accusing me... I was saying that it's hypocritical for CG as a whole to say "The CG directors are still speculating as to who it is that is sending the messages, and believe it is possible that it could be a former team member," and the comment that follows is, "I don’t want to spread rumors, because there is no certainty." I know personally maybe you wouldn't point fingers. But if CG doesn't want to spread rumors because there is no certainty, why is it when I talk to other people not on CG, from KM, from DC, etc. Anyone who has talked to a CG member, without me even having to bring it up, said they heard from a CG member/CG that "Kim Maniego did it." You don't know how many outside people have come up to me to tell me that they talked to CG members personally and they said people on the team think I did it. Also, I tried to understand CG's side of why they would even accuse me in the first place... I'm just saying... I find it hypocritical that PUBLICLY CG says that it could be a former team member, but because there is no certainty they don't want to spread rumors. But CG did spread rumors... If CG really did try to understand my side and NOT spread RUMORS then we wouldn't be in this whole mess right? If CG really didn't want to point fingers then why even say "The CG directors are still speculating as to who it is that is sending the messages, and believe it is possible that it could be a former team member?" If CG really didn't want any drama or misunderstanding why publicly point it in a certain direction? The drama would've been squashed before it even got out publicly if no one said anything about who they speculate, what they think, etc they would've kept it between the team only. No one on CG would have even said my name publicly? No one on CG would have accused me word-of-mouth, etc? But it didn't turn out that way. One of the 3 CG people who did talk to me did say that 1/3 are neutral, a 1/3 believe me, a 1/3 think it's me... But regardless of saying that, your team has to be careful of what those 1/3 that think it's me say, because it's representing CG as a whole. The people on KM & DC that talked to me didn't say "this person said they think you did it," they said "CG thinks you did it."So to me, that's a representation of the team... because honestly, no one on CG apologized to me or talked to me since Big B's text messages except for 3 CG heads who on their own account decided to tell me how they feel about the whole mess. If I am misunderstanding what's been going on then I'm sorry... But I don't think I am. I don't think those people on KM & DC would lie to me about what the CG person said because then that'll be causing drama. But if I'm wrong then I truly am sorry. "

OnRepeat: Frou Frou – Let Go
CurrentlyCraving: A visit to Disneyland '
TheMessage: “The ONLY people you need in your life are the ones that prove that they need you in theirs. So let haterz hate. Just be YOU, and be HAPPY that way.”

What a mess. Quick recap on things that have occurred in the past week. I was accused publicly from Common Ground of hacking into the CG yahoo account and writing hate e-mails to other teams. It took that event for me to realize a bunch of things about myself and life:

1) Let haters hate.
I lost sleep, had decreased appetite, and cried a lot last week. I can’t explain to you enough how much it hurt to be accused of those things. I devoted my past 3 years to CG, being a good director, teammate, and friend. I left so that there wouldn’t be drama and to hear that they would even think that I would do something like that was insulting. Ever since when was I shady? Ever since when was I the type of person to want to start drama? It hurt to hear friends that I thought were super close to me accused me of doing it as well. It took this event to show me who my true “family” and “friends” were—the ones who would still vouch for me even when I wasn’t there to defend myself. The ones who still believed I had “class,” that “I’m not like that,” that “it’s not her.” I appreciate those people a lot. Those are the people I feel are worth keeping a relationship with. Those are the people that I truly respect and know when shit hits the fan, they’d still be my side even when my “family” turns on me. I learned to just LET HATERS HATE. No matter how many times or ways I explained myself, I came to realize that it doesn’t matter anymore. The people who know my true character will always believe me and the people who have bias or ignorant about the whole ideal will never believe me. I’m not going to force them or waste my time saying “I didn’t do it,” anymore. It’s not worth it, I know I didn’t do it and my true “family” and “friends” know I didn’t do it, and frankly that’s good enough for me.

2) Think before you speak.
I understand CG had to handle things the way they did—by publicly announcing on thatsfresh.com about the hacking of the yahoo account. But understand, if you’re going to speak on behalf of CG you are speaking on behalf of the team as a whole. It’s contradictory and hypocritical in my opinion, to say that “it is believed to be a former member of CG but we don’t want to point fingers.” But when I talked to a couple members of CG, they tell me 1/3 of the team is neutral, 1/3 of the team knows you didn’t do it, and 1/3 of the team believes it’s you. You cannot speak on behalf of the whole time in that regard if the whole team isn’t in consensus. I personally thought that was very hurtful, but I’m not going to even stress about it anymore. I realized this whole mess is unnecessary drama and stress I don’t need. I wasn’t a part of it to begin with so I’m just going to let the whole thing go. I’m not going to let it phase me and move on. The only thing I ask of everyone is, before you speak, before you accuse, before you assume, think. KNOW for certain if what you speak is truth. KNOW for certain if who you accuse is guilty. and JUST move on. Otherwise, it’s better to just stay quiet. I wonder if it ever occurred to them that “what happens if we accuse her and we’re wrong?” And they were. A couple nights ago, members on CG informed me that a guy has been writing threatening e-mails to CG and admitted to the whole thing. They disclosed a lot of information from me, but I didn’t really mind, I’m not a part of CG anymore, it’s frankly not my business.

3) Signs & Karma
I’m a big believer in fate and karma. So I pay a great deal of attention to signs and karma. I truly believe this whole incidence is one. I believe that it is a sign for me to move on. As bad as this whole situation is, It gave me a reason to tell me that CG is not for me—that they are no longer my “family.” Of course I still have really good friends on that team, but it’s done. It’s dead and gone. All the respect and loyalty I had for that team, died. It died the moment they started to question my character and accuse me. I’ve realized all of this is dead weight. When I left CG after Body Rock, it was really hard for me. I still loved them, missed them, and wished I could still be there to support them. I told myself that space and time will heal all wounds. It obviously didn’t. I realized that all this added stress, this unnecessary hurt that I feel by keeping my distance from CG, and this unfortunate event that occurred are enough for me to move on. It’s enough to tell me to cut my losses. I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I don’t want to hear about CG. I don’t have anything to do with them and I think it’s better that way. So this whole crazy mess, I truly believe is a sign, to tell me that I deserve better—to not linger where I’m not wanted. That rather than focusing my energy on being upset, crying, depressed, and hurt over what people said, what people did, what happened, etc. There is something better I could’ve done with my time. I could’ve focused my energy on cherishing the relationships with my family, friends, and boyfriend—the ones that truly and genuinely matter. I guess I only advise you to do the same. I’m going to move on, not let it phase me, and just live life. I know I’m better than this, I know I deserve better than this, and I know in the end it’ll make me stronger.

4) Be YOU and be HAPPY that way.
Johnny Phan I will always remember you for this. This is the genuinely one of the best pieces of advice that anyone has ever given me and one I’ll remember to live by. I’m one of those people who “actually care what people think.” I’ve been like that forever. Whenever someone told me, “you can’t please everyone.” I still tried. I wanted everyone to be happy. But in reality, it can’t be this way. There are going to be people who hate you. There are going to be people who talk shit. I’m one of the one’s who would always be greatly affected by this. The people would win because I’d get all sad and depressed. I tried to tell myself to develop “tough skin.” Just move on. It’s been hard obviously. But after this whole ordeal, I really think Johnny is right. “Just be YOU and be HAPPY that way.” If only I had that much confidence in myself as other people see it then I wouldn’t have to worry what other people think. If only I had enough strength to not be bothered by those people trying to bring me down then I wouldn’t have to waste my time worrying about a situation I can’t change or fix. I realized, I’m not going to care anymore “what people think.” I’m just going to do me. I’m going to be myself and if you don’t like it, frankly I don’t care. I’m just going to do whatever the hell makes me happy and those who truly are my “friends” and “family,” will always support and understand. That’s all I need. I’m tired of getting knocked down and staying down. I’m going to get up and keep moving forward.

Sorry if this was another long blog.
Hope you are all having better days.
Come support Sheroes & BMOD at level 3 on Thursday and Sheroes at FPAC on Saturday.
<3 kimmiko

Fucking Tired…

2009-09-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat:Linkin Park - One Step Closer
Currently Craving: A stog and to graduate so I can get far away from this OC/BK/CG Bullshit.
TheMessage: STOP POINTING FINGERS until you really know for sure who did it. Otherwise you're assuming, and you know what they say about when you assume? You make an ass out of u and me...

FUCK OFF. Seriously… I’m fucking TIRED of this BULLSHIT drama. 1) I’m not on CG anymore. PERIOD. I haven’t been in contact with anyone since Body Rock. Haven’t been around. Don’t know what’s going on. 2) I left CG because I was tired of fucking BULLSHIT drama with BK and all the accusations of doing THIS and saying THAT. Seriously, don’t ask me for my side if you’re not going to listen and believe it. Otherwise, just FUCK OFF. 3) I left CG because I didn’t want any DRAMA. I left because I couldn't take it anymore, I just want to be left alone.

But how is it… that even after I leave, I still get accused for doing shit?
1) How are you going to still accuse me of SHIT BK? I’m not even there…
2) How is it that after all the shit I went through, my founders still have the nerve to accuse me of doing something such as changing the CG Yahoo Account…

Seriously, I was Events Director. YES I had the password to the Yahoo Account but I never used it. I used k.maniego@gmail.com for most of the competitions. I paid monthly for the Yahoo account to be upgraded to a Plus Mail account so that all the emails would be forwarded to my gmail [I hate checking multiple email accounts]. But AFTER BODYROCK when I realized it hurt to even hear about CG, I didn’t want to receive anymore e-mails and I didn’t want to be billed for it. I didn’t have the password so I asked Jeffrey Losaria and Kim Padilla [who created the Yahoo account] for the password. They gave me 3 passwords, I tried them all and it didn’t work. They tried it and it didn’t work for them either. So I told them that all I want is to not be billed, so if they figure it out… then just cancel my subscription.

3) I’m really tired of this. Today, Brian Amigable [CG founder] texted me asking me if I used the CG account. Honestly, I haven’t. If I did even know the password, I wouldn’t have to get billed anymore. I don’t need the CG account, I’m not on CG anymore, I don’t have anything to do with it. I haven’t been around since Body Rock, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t like feeling like I’m being accused of something when I’m NOT AROUND. “If my story and jeff and kims don’t add up” then I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have any incentive in lying to you. I don’t get anything out of having the CG yahoo account password and wouldn’t have anything to do with it. I find it really sad that I have to defend myself against this unnecessary bullshit... If you don't believe me whatever. I honestly don't see what I get out of lying about it... so maybe I'M NOT LYING... I'm telling the TRUTH please LISTEN. I understand you said you're not accusing anyone your just trying to figure out the facts, but honestly... I'm not stupid, your diction, your syntax, the way you text'd me, the choice of words you displayed all sound like you're accusing me.

BTW, i know you text'd me saying "I can't believe you blogged about it. I said I wasn't accusing you. It's so immature" Say what you want... but how do you think you're not accusing me? You haven't talked to me for a month and a half. Your first text wasn't even a greeting of hello, how are you doing, it was "are you using the CG account." To call what I did immature... that's just rediculous. You want to know what's immature? People assuming it's me. What make's it someone else's right to talk about this issue behind my back? Why is that okay? To blast it on their facebook status, spread it word of mouth, and point fingers and say that "they think it's me." For me to state the business, which you made it my problem by accusing me, here on my blogg, that's my way of venting and if that's immature and wrong than think what you want. It's the same shit as everyone else who's talking, yet instead of me BLAMING SOMEONE, I'm just trying to say that it's NOT ME, I'M TIRED, and FUCK OFF. Why can't it go both ways? I wasn't the one talking first... I was actually the last to know AGAIN. But regardless of what's going on, we wouldn't even be in this predicament if people jz stopped being ignorant & immature and didn't blame me for anything. Again, if you want to talk about being "immature" please everyone that's talking "SHIT" just grow up... STOP POINTING FINGERS until you really know for sure who did it. Otherwise you're assuming, and you know what they say about when you assume? You make an ass out of u and me...

4) HONESTLY, I have better shit to do than be a part of this drama. I’ve been away since BODYROCK. I don’t talk to anyone on CG. AGAIN I don’t know what’s going on. So whenever problems arise and they choose to blame me, I don’t understand because I’M NOT THERE… So WTF. But you know, I can see how ignorance can play a part of this. I can see how when problems arise... people are quick to judge, blame, and point the finger at someone. Instead of blaming themselves for their own faults, they rather choose a scapegoat to put all their problems and blame somewhere. And since, I left, it would be reasonable to accuse me. But guess what, I'm not Shady... If I was Shady then feel free to hate on me... but I'm NOT... I don't deserve any of this bullshit. Honestly, If you feel I did it because I "left on bad terms with the directors" that's BULLSHIT. I don't have any drama with CG or anyone on CG just BK. Even with that being said... what does that have anything to do with the Yahoo Account or Password? What ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? Having faith in humanity? Trusting in someones word? It sucks that because they want to blame someone, and me being the likely candidate, they're searching for reasons to say that it's me... it shouldn't be that way at all... that's just wrong...

I just want to be left alone with all this BULLSHIT drama. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to hear about BK. I don’t want to hear about CG. I don’t want to hear about YAHOO account and/or the password to the YAHOO account… UNLESS you have the password then just cancel my shit for me. Other than that, I’m seriously done. I have better shit to do, I’m trying to graduate, I’ve been busy with my research project, my senior thesis, getting my bartending license, handling hella family drama, and dancing for 2 teams. So please, FUCK OFF.

Sorry if this blogg is so angry. It's not directed to anyone in particular.
I’m just trying to vent. I hate being accused and blamed for shit I had no part in.
Hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

Full Circle

2009-09-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Sheroes SI6 Mix
CurrentlyReading: 'Bartending Cards & Final Study Guide
TheMessage: Yay! I’ve come full circle with Sheroes

Team Millennia Summer Intensive. When I first started training/dancing with Sheroes it was Summer of 2008. My first performance was SI5. A year has passed since then and I’ve come full circle with Sheroes performing at SI6 this year. It was pretty nice to share the stage with the ladies I respect. Woot to our new tracksuits and upcoming Sheroe shirts btw. Enjoy.

Hope you are all having better days.
I’m studying hard for my bartenders exams [2].
Another blogg post will be up by the end of the week, so much has happened in 1 week =/
<3 kimmiko

Better Late Than Never

2009-08-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Money - Fantasy & OneRepublic - Say (All I Need)
CurrentlyCraving: Another chance to showcase my choreography
TheMessage: I’ve grown so much as a dancer and choreographer throughout my 3 years of dancing experience and I don’t think the road stops here. I have much ground to travel and I’m going to get there =D This upcoming 2010 year, I hope my sense of style will be established. Have fun watching =D

ImGrown. Lemme share my dance background with you. I never was a hip hop dancer. I started off as a technical dancer, training in ballet, jazz, character, and pointe. I even danced professionally as a ballerina for the Long Beach Ballet Theatre. I competed at several competitions, choreographed a lot of sets, and taught a lot of technical classes. It wasn't until my freshman year at UCI, that I was exposed to "real" hip hop. I trained with UG [underground] for a year "GEN 1." I trained, danced, choreographed, and directed CG [common ground] for 3 years "Gamma Class." Throughout the past 4 years of my dancing career I've taught several workshops for several teams: B.Mod (Barkada Modern), CSULB's VSA, UCI's MCIA (girls piece), UG, CG, 909, GRV, KM Newbies, Evo (Evolution), Groove Community Class (Vegas), Newsong Liquid, and much more. Currently, I'm an alumni for CG & UG. I train and dance for Sheroes, Street Family Dance Krew, and Boxcuttahz [unfortunately SI6 and WOD SD are on the same day so I couldn't perform with Boxcuttahz, but hopefully in the future, you'll see me on stage with them =D].

Compilation of Choreo. All the classes I’ve taught thus far. What I've noticed is that my choreography has changed according to my mood. [when I was angry, the pieces were ghetto. when I was depressed, the pieces were more emotional. when I was normal, the pieces were more "girly."] Also, I have a effin signature move of "sweeping the floor." HAHA.

MCIA Girl's Piece 07
I do whatever you like

B.MOD Workshops 07
Doin You

EVO Workshops 08
Get it Together

Cams Workshops 08
Neyo Lets Just Be

909 Workshops 08
If You Leave

909 Hip Hop Class 1.27.2008: Kimberly-Ann Maniego from 909 Dance Troupe on Vimeo.

B.MOD Workshops 09
I'm On One

Groove Community Class 09
I can change your life

CG Workshops 09
Addie&I are GIFTED

Hope you are all having better days.
Sheroes is teaching workshops at JayVee Dance Center in October.
Hopefully I get to teach =D

<3 kimmiko

Vegas Trip =D

2009-08-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Comedy Central Presents: Kat Williams, Dane Cook, Dat Phan, etc.
CurrentlyCraving: Another trip to vegas =D
TheMessage: Vegas Trip with my mahal & Johnny Phan’s last days in America before he leaves for Korea = an amazing fun filled weekend

Vegas.

Nevada Stateline – Primm

Nevada Stateline – Terrible’s

Nevada Stateline – Whiskey Pete’s

Nevada Stateline –Outlets & 6.99 Prime Rib

Vegas Thursday – Sahara Hotel & Casino

Vegas Thursday – MGM

Vegas Thursday – New York New York

Vegas Thursday – Gambling & Drinking

Vegas Friday – Premium Outlets

Vegas Friday – Palazzo Hustlin

Vegas Friday – Caesar’s Palace

Vegas Friday – Sahara Slot Tournament

Vegas Friday – Monte Carlo for Bobby Lin

Vegas Friday – Circus Circus Adventure Dome & Prizes/Toys

Vegas Friday – Fat Tuesdays & Vegas Saturday – Sleep in

Vegas Saturday – Planet Hollywood

Vegas Saturday – Paris

Vegas Saturday – Eat at Eiffel Tower

Vegas Saturday – Eat at Eiffel Tower [Baller Dinner]

Vegas Saturday – Eat at Eiffel Tower [view from eiffel tower]

Vegas Saturday – Eat at Eiffel Tower [bellagio fountains]

Vegas Saturday – Eat at Eiffel Tower

Vegas Saturday – Eat at Eiffel Tower

Vegas Saturday – Eat at Eiffel Tower

Vegas Saturday – Watch the Bellagio Fountains

Vegas Saturday – Bellagio

Vegas Saturday – Miracle Mile Shops

Vegas Saturday – Failed XS Club Attempt & Vegas Sunday – Sahara Check-Out & Planet Hollywood PINKS

Vegas Sunday – MGM

Vegas Sunday – Caesars Palace Forum Shops

Vegas Sunday – Bellagio Gardens

Vegas Sunday – Drive Home & Get stuck in traffic for 8 hours

Hope you are all having better days.
I’m having a hella good summer break/vacation.
Can’t wait til the next Vegas trip & I’m posting 1 more blogg so look out for that.
<3 kimmiko

SURP/UROP Bay Road Trip #1&2

2009-08-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Comedy Central Presents: Kat Williams, Dane Cook, Dat Phan, etc.
CurrentlyCraving: Another trip to vegas =D
TheMessage: BAY trip 1: July 23-26 + BAY trip 2: July 30- Aug 2 = 7 hours x 4 = 28 hours of driving to OC to the BAY and back. 2 Trip Total Expenses: $40 tank of gas x 4 = $160 + lodging for both weekends = $350 + leisure & food = $200 = $710. But because of my fellowship EVERYTHING WAS FREE!! =D

SURP/UROP Bay Trip. Just a short recap. Because UC schools are research based, this year I applied for the SURP/UROP program at UCI. My research proposal not only got approved, but I was also awarded a fellowship and $2000 funding for my project. Because I am studying Californian LAN centers [10 in SoCal & 10 in NorCal], I had planned two weekends back-to-back in July to visit all 10 LAN centers—5 on each weekend. Thanks to my amazing boyfriend Sam, I wasn’t alone and had a lot of fun. This blog is just a recap of the places we visited. Seriously, we went all over the fucking California map. We stopped at hella cities, ate hella food, visited hella historical landmarks and hotspots, stayed at nice hotels and some ghetto places, and drove for more than 35+ hours total. BTW, thank you Robbie lookin' ass for letting us stay at your pad in NorCal, your roomies were hella fun =D

BAY TRIP 1

South San Francisco, Robbie’s Apt

Euphnet V1 - Sunnyvale, CA [interview & heroes of newerth for free]

D20Games – Alameda, CA

Oakland Cyber Café – Oakland, CA & San Francisco Cyber Café – San Francisco, CA

Eudemonia – Berkeley, CA

San Jose – Manila Star Restaurant

UC Berkeley - Jupiter

San Francisco – Fisherman’s Wharf

San Francisco –Boudin’s Clam Chowder

San Francisco – Sea Lions

San Francisco – Ghiradelli’s Square

San Francisco – Ghiradelli’s Square

San Francisco – Pier 39

San Francisco – Alcatraz Island

San Francisco – Great America

Map of trip

BAY TRIP 2

Level One: Elite Gaming Cyber Complex – Clovis, CA

Nexus Game Centers –Modesto, CA

Hive Game Center – Riverbank, CA

PopUpsCyber Café – Elk Grove, CA

PowerPlay – Yuba City, CA

Downtown Fresno

Downtown Stockton

Downtown Sacramento

Downtown Sacramento

Downtown Sacramento

Vallejo’s Six Flags Discovery Kingdom

Vallejo’s Six Flags Discovery Kingdom

Vallejo’s Six Flags Discovery Kingdom

Vallejo’s Six Flags Discovery Kingdom

xooro

map of trip

Hope you are all having better days.
I’m excited to explore the LAN centers in SoCal.
I’ll be posting 2 more blogg entries in the upcoming week.
<3 kimmiko

Keep Moving Forward.

2009-07-16T23:18:00.000-07:00

When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens

OnRepeat: Cherish - Amnesia
CurrentlyCraving: My bartenders/mixology license, 2-part-time bartending jobs, 3 vegas trips, and a trip to the bay.
TheMessage: “When one door closes another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us” - Alexander Graham Bell “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us.”
- Helen Keller

In the course of a month, I didn’t think my life’s course would take these routes. For reasons that aren’t already obvious, a lot has changed. Let me catch you up real quick:

1. I’m no longer dancing/directing for Common Ground [I don’t want to get into detail about the sitch, if you really want to know feel free to ask me. I’m completely willing to talk about it. But I am still dancing for Sheroes [I love my ladies =D], Street Family, and possibly SGBM or Cuttahz [ haven’t decided yet.]].

2. My bartending certification/liquor license/mixology certification is still IN PROGRESS. My schedules been so hectic and they only offer final exams/graduation on Fridays & Saturdays and that’s no bueno for my schedule. But I’m looking to graduate by the 1st week of August and have 2-part-time jobs by the end of August [1 restaurant and 1 night club job].

***ME & PAUL are planning on having a bartenders graduation party when we graduate. The deal, WE provide the cups, mixers, etc. YOU bring your choice of alcohol and test US. We’ll make any drink you shoot at us =D

3. My roomie situation got pretty effed [2x you might say, ask me about it, I’m not going to talk about it here], but I’m really excited and stoked for who I’m going to be living with next year at the "oasis." =D

4. I’m currently taking GMAT classes at UCLA on Sundays. So my schedules back to busy-bee-workaholic busy with only 1 free day a week. I love it though. GRAD SCHOOL HERE I COME.

5. I’ve been knocking down a lot on my summer-2-do list thanks to my amazing boyfriend =D He’s so good to me. I still thank God that I met him. If you’d like to join us on our adventures let me know =D

6. I’m glad to know who my TRUE homies are. Thank you for reading my blogg. Thank you for your support, for your e-mails, fbook/myspace messages/comments. Thank you for your texts, your calls, and voicemails. I can’t say it enough, but I am blessed to have you in my life. The fact that God has blessed me with a loving and supportive network of family and friends is more than I could ask for. I appreciate you and want you to know that I am THANKFUL.

That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA from the face of the earth, but I had to handle shit in my life [bartending=$$ I need for Grad School & Senior Year, dancing=my passion and outlet to life, GMAT=my ticket to Grad School, etc.]. I am ALWAYS down to chill and WILL make time for a friend. I always believed that, “The ONLY people you need in your life are the ones that prove that they need you in theirs,” so if you want to chill/see/visit/talk, I will ALWAYS ALWAYS make time for you. Of course, I’d have to add you into my schedule and it might not be instantaneous and will probably be a week from when you’d like, but I will be there =D

Anyways, with all the craziness going on in my life, I realized I haven’t blogged in a while. Since my last serious entry, I’ve been left to reflect on my life and wanted to share this blogg entry for those who want to hear some “kimmiko lookin’ ass words of wisdom.”

The two quotes I put at the beginning of my blogg. WORD!
Read them again, they both say:

When one door closes another door opens.

People are too often attached to the past, to what they are familiar with, and therefore miss opportunities that stand right in front of them. Doors may close, but there are always unlimited numbers of doors – new opportunities. The world is full of opportunities, if we could only see them. The Infinite Power is infinite, and so the possibilities are without number.

Not every plan works out, there are losses and failures, there are problems in relationships, loss of money or job, sometimes unpleasant things happen. We don’t always have control over these happenings, but we can exercise control over our attention and attitude. When one of these things happens and we focus our attention on the loss – the closed door, we see only a closed door with the resultant frustration and unhappiness, but if we could only move our sight and attention away from the closed door, we might be surprised to discover a row of open new doors.

It might not be so easy to move our eyes elsewhere due various reasons, such as attachment to the old and familiar, and fear of the new and the unknown.

Many find it difficult to stop their stream of controlled thoughts, and consequently their mind keep focusing on the loss, failure, and frustration – the door that has closed. Will these thoughts help in anything, except of creating suffering and preventing any change and improvement?

You might agree with what is being said here, but how can you free yourself past attachments and see new opportunities? How can you bring yourself to realize, see look and enter the new doors that open for you?

This might need some effort on your part:
· You will need to be more aware of your thoughts.
· Desire to free yourself from thoughts that keep you stuck in one place.
· Develop some degree of self-discipline.
· Develop some concentration ability and control over your mind.
· Take advantage of the power of affirmations and visualization.
· Some degree of inner peace is also required, since inner peace helps you reject unwanted, negative thoughts, and become more open-minded, positive and happy. When you experience inner peace, it would be easier for you to detach yourself from the past, keep an open mind, and therefore see more clearly the new doors that open for you. As I would say, develop some "tough skin."

All in all, of course it's hard for me to move on. I effing LOVE CG. I remember writing an e-mail to my founders and it stated: "I'm not comfortable with being on the same team as BK anymore. I tried to make things work, but it only masked the situation and didn't make things better. As much as I love CG and the people on it, I think I need distance and time to heal from the things that happened last summer. I will always support CG/UG and will always remember my roots and where I came from. I thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to dance/train and lead the team these past years." But I had to move on and when I did, I saw that there were a lot of doors that opened for me. Like the rings I always wear, always have FAITH in God's plan [he'll always provide and take care of you], never let go of your DREAMS [dream big, follow them, even if you feel like you're at a standstill, maybe you're not supposed to be there. You did your time so challenge yourself and see what will become of you. It doesn't matter what happened in the past, it's what your doing to change your present and make the most of your future.], and always remember to LOVE [this is beyond loving God, your family, your friends, your self, and your significant other. You need to LOVE life. If you don't, when shit hits the fan, you'll end up giving up on everything including yourself. You have got to learn to love life-- for all it's good and BAD times. If you do this, trust... You'll keep moving forward.] I hope you enjoyed reading this blogg.

Don’t forget, when one door closes another one opens.
Hope you are all having better days.
Enjoy the rest of your summer and hit me up sometime, I’d love to see your FACE.

<3 kimmiko

Listen.

2009-07-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

protective order

TheWho: Brian Hyun Kim & Kimberly-Ann Maniego
TheWhat: Case Number 08HM04833 [go to OC courts and look up the case number]
TheWhy: I don’t expect you to understand or to know because you weren’t there—no one was there except us two. But, what I do expect from you is to LISTEN. When you ask me for my side of the story, for the truth, don’t come with preconceived notions of the situation, otherwise DON’T ask me in the first place. If you want to know the truth, feel free to read this blog. I will not hold back any information. I’m not one to cry out for attention, there’s no point in me lying about anything having to do with situation. I just want my voice to be heard, so please... Listen.

The reasons why I don’t openly discuss this to anyone are:

1) frankly, it’s not anyone’s business to know [people will always talk shit, but what’s the point if no one has any solutions? if that’s the case, why say anything in the first place, if you’re not even going to help? if you think “helping” is knowing the truth, how would u find it? people choose to believe whatever they want, in a subject as sensitive as this one, the only two people who know the truth are the two parties involved, everyone else has nothing to do with it.]

2) it was a domestic violence case that is still a very sensitive subject for me to talk about [I hit rock bottom after this incident. I felt so confused, alone, and stuck that yeah, I became depressed, angry, suicidal, and tried to kill myself a couple times, but who wouldn’t? I don’t blame you for judging me, but don’t be ignorant, what would you have done in my situation? I don’t expect you to know or understand how I felt because you weren’t there and it didn’t happen to you, so rather than talking and judging, just do us both a favor and LEAVE IT ALONE.]

TheMessage: The reasons why I’m choosing to openly discuss this now are:

favorite post from post-secret

1) BK is telling everyone “his side of the story,” I only tell mine to those that ask. He’s been constantly telling members of CG at chillbacks and parties that it’s my fault for everything. Blaming me for his faults of why he’s an alcoholic, why he doesn’t go to school, why he doesn’t live at home, etc etc. I'm not going to say this again, IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT. Honestly, MAN UP, swallow your damn pride, and admit your OWN faults. Stop blaming ME for your life’s failures. They have nothing to do with me. It’s been a year since I’ve been out of your life, if you’re still blaming me for the shit that went wrong, then maybe it’s because it’s not my fault. I wasn’t there to fuck your life up, I even took a break from CG to handle my shit, so fucking get over yourself. In a year you could've turned your life around, instead you still use me as your excuse. STOP IT.

2) I’m not one to go around and tell people what happened. Sure there are people I’ve told, they were close friends, family members, or even people I’ve met in which we’ve shared a common life-story. But rather than me repeating the same hurtful story over and over, I’ll blog about it. If you want to know “my side of the story” or have any questions they’ll be answered in my blogg for you to read. Frankly, I don’t understand why other people should be involved. Of course I don’t want it to affect Common Ground [teammates feel awkward around us two, they feel the negative tension, etc.]. But I tried to be civil. After the incident, there was a protective order created that prevents him from approaching me, often within a specified distance [must not harass, strike, threaten, assault (sexually or otherwise), follow, stalk, molest, destroy or damage personal or real property, disturb the peace, keep under surveillance, or block movements of me. must have no personal, electronic, telephonic, or written contact with me. must have no contact with me through a third party, except an attorney of record. and must not come 300 yards from me.]. Throughout the year, because I was director I tried to keep it drama free [like basketball, I left all the drama off the court]. I was civil towards him during practice and even took a break from CG when I felt that I couldn’t handle being on the same team as him. I wanted to come back from my break knowing that he didn’t phase me anymore and that I was strong enough to continue my daily routine without being affected by him.] I made so many compromises to make things work, I avoided going to a lot of Common Ground chill backs and parties because 1) I didn’t want to be around him when he was drunk because I was traumatized from that night and 2) I didn’t want there to be any possible drama. But I realized, it shouldn’t be that way. Why should I be compromising so that he could do everything he wants? The protective order isn’t against me to him, it’s HIM to ME. I should be allowed to do whatever I want and he should keep the distance from me. There were so many incidences in which I could have called the police, but I didn’t. So DON’T TELL ME I’m the one starting drama, I tried to keep the peace, the line was crossed a long time ago and I’m not taking it anymore.

3) On Sunday, June 28, 2009 I was told that there would be a directors meeting at Big B’s house at 11pm. The founders [kirk, b, tommy], dan, and bk&jeanelle were present. At first they questioned us both about our standpoint on captain & artistic director, afterwards they “called” the meeting because BK brought it to their attention that he sees it [me & him] as a “problem” and wants to “squash” things. They felt that it was a mature thing for him to do, because it does affect the team, people do feel awkward around us, they can sense the tension between us, etc. But, personally, I felt like I was being ganged up on. If went to the meeting thinking it would be a directors meeting talking about the team. I’m all for addressing issues and fixing things, but I was taken aback on how everyone there knew what was going on except for me. They wanted us to start “talking thing out,” to find out the “truth,” so we started arguing. I don’t understand how they expected things to end, he’s entitled to say what he wants about what happen and so am I. I’m not going to say that I’m lying, because I’m not. I will tell you everything I wanted to say that night in this blog.

Why I didn’t say it then?
1) I was phased by the fact that BK said, “your family hates you.” I didn’t know that the meeting would turn into a shit talk fest. I thought we wanted to squash things, not create more drama. He said that CG talks shit behind my back and that the people that I think are really my friends don’t like me. For being on CG for 3 years, 2 of which I was a director, that was a low blow and a shot to the heart. I loved my “family” unconditionally and to hear that, whether it may stem from some sort of truth or falsehood was nonetheless devastating. Of course I lost my composure after that, but how was I supposed to recover from such a low blow and talk about a situation so sensitive?

2) I had so much to say but was overwhelmed by my emotions that I felt it wouldn’t do any justice to talk it out right there. I was angry, depressed, and overwhelmed and I wanted to say what I had to say when I was collected and composed, not because I was broken down and hurt. I didn't think it was appropriate that I was put on the spot like that. If I had known those were the original intentions beforehand, I would've come with moral support, not so that I can gather my arguments. I'm not hiding anything and am telling the truth, yeah the truth should be easy to say, but it's not. I don't like thinking about it, I don't like talking about it, I don't like admitting that I fell in love with someone who used to abuse me and that I still loved him and blamed myself for what happened.

3) I felt like what I had to say didn’t matter. I appreciate the fact that they care and want drama to cease, but everyone at that meeting knew what was going on except me. I felt if I told my side of the story, they wouldn’t believe me anyways. So what’s the point? I left feeling like the situation got worse, not better. Let’s say you believe my side of the story or his side of the story, then what? How would it help “squash things?” There's still a protective order that states that he can't be anywhere remotely near me, nor at UCI. So If I'm on campus, I could legally call the police. Anyways, I know it would help everyone understand the severity of the situation or understand what “really” happened, but other than that, it’s one of those things that if you really want things to get squashed let’s let LAW take over and do JUSTICE. If he wanted to talk to me, he was supposed to get an attorney. If he wants to “squash” and fix the situation, I can see him in court. Until then, I don’t feel like I have any explaining, convincing, or story-telling to do to anyone.

Hopefully you find the “truth” that you’re looking for and I answer the “questions” you were asking me.

June 17, 2008 Wednesday. Vista Del Campo 61611-1. Early Am. Case Summary.
I will never forget this day. That day, I experienced domestic violence and abuse from someone I “loved.” It started off as a good day with BK [now my ex-boyfriend], we ate sushi at maki maki, watched “hulk,” and hung out at the MCIA house [the yacht with k-duh, jtong, etc] where I did my astronomy/geology labs [I took 24 units that summer because I wanted to graduate my 3rd year] as he smoked hookah and drank in the garage with the boys. I took him home as usual (being the sober designated driver), I had to deal with his usual drunk antics (being aggressive and violent/angry). He always asked me to pull over because someone was looking at him the wrong way, wanted to fight someone for the hell of it, or just wanted to start something. We got to my apartment at VDC [I lived in a triple but none of my roomies were home that night] and I helped him into the apartment. I helped him onto the bed where he laid in the middle of it--not moving over to leave room for me to sleep. I told him to move over, he answered “Shut Up.” I understand when people are drunk they tend to either be overly emotional, angry, or happy, but I don’t think it’s an excuse for treating anyone a certain way. I allowed him to chill with his boys and took care of him. I don’t like being talked to like that and couldn't tolerate it anymore, so I responded “What did you say?” He looked angrily at me and said, “Shut Up!” I told him to “get out.” I wasn’t going to put up with this bullshit anymore, I didn’t deserve to be talked to or treated that way. He responded “fine,” but didn’t move. I told him, “what are you waiting for? get out!” and so he got up, drunkenly picked up his dress shirt which he broke off when trying to take off his shirt to sleep, and as he reached the door instead of opening it, he locked it, looked at me angrily with his head cocked down to show his angered brows and said, “Fuck You Bitch.” I told him to “get the FUCK out of my apartment.” He replied “or what?” and I said, “fine, you can have my fucking apartment, but I’m leaving.” I just didn’t want to fucking be there anymore. To be in love with someone and to have them treat you that way is heart-breaking. To see the person you love turn into someone else when they are drunk is horrifying. To see the person you love look at you with eyes of hatred, I just didn’t want to be there anymore. If he wasn’t going to leave, I was going to. So I headed towards the door when he grabbed my arm and I said “let go of me.” He said “or what?” and I yelled louder, “LET GO OF ME.” He pushed me against the bed. I’m from Long Beach and my dad always taught me that fighting is wrong, but if you feel your life is in danger or someone hits/touches you first it’s fair game. So I grabbed his shoulders and tried to push him away from the door to unlock it and run outside far away from this mess. But as I reached the door, he grabbed me and threw me forcefully on the bed, where he pinned me down as I tried to kick him off. I started screaming, hoping my RA or anyone would hear me. He covered my mouth with one hand almost suffocating me that I stopped screaming hoping he stopped. He said, “I’ll fucking kill you,” and kept me pinned to my bed. The more I struggled to fight him, the more I got hurt [if I got my leg loose to kick him, he’d slap me or hit me]. I finally managed to kick him in the nuts and ran for the door. He grabbed my hair and threw me against the opposing wall. I was so angry and my adrenaline was pumping so hard by then that I started to fight him. I pushed him all the way out of my apartment. As he was outside, he yelled for me to “Open the fucking door.” I yelled, “No, leave.” He said, “or what?” and I said, “or I’ll call the fucking cops.” and he responded, “You call the fucking cops? the cops. WOW. I might as well be dead then.” he started to walk away from my apartment and yelled that he wants his shit. I grabbed whatever shit I could find of my room that was his [his duffel bag, some shoes, shirts, etc] and put it outside my front door. I sat in my room crying and I started to notice the bruises forming on my wrists, how my head hurt from my hair being pulled, how my back hurt from being slammed against the wall, and I felt fearful for my life. I started to write an e-mail to CG about how scared and sad I was. I kept crying in shock of what happened and called the only people I could think of calling, my family, so I called Dan, Q boi and Big B, they didn’t answer because it was early in the morning. I had my cell-phone in my hand hoping any of my founders/directors would respond to me. Fearful, I called UCI PD. In the meantime, I decided to write an e-mail to my team, it explains briefly what had happened:

[actual e-mail sent to CG on June 17, 2009 at 6:41am]

Hey Cg Fam Bam. It's a major emergency. I need your help. Yesterday, Bk and I went to an MCIA Party. I told BK no more getting drunk because I hate dealing with his shit and he doesn't treat me that great when he's drunk. He promised not to get that drunk again. He broke it and got really drunk to the point where he threw up everywhere n i had to take him home. At my apartment he treated me like shit and threw me around. So I told him to get out of my apartment because I was scared. I called the cops because he threatened to hurt me (i don't know if he was still drunk but still u know wtf am i spose to do?) So he went outside, took his shit that I put outside (some clothes, shoes, etc) n left. He was yelling "fuck you" n all this shit to me as he left. After a while of crying in my room, I got my keys n tried to look for him but couldn't find him. I need to knwo where he is, I want to talk to him, want to get him to understand that I LOVE HIM, I just don't think it's right how he treats me when he's drunk. If you know where he is, if you see him, if you talk to him, let me know. The police aren't looking for him (they never came and prolly didn't even hear me when I was talking), but I still need u to tell me where he is, if hes ok. I didn't mean to kick him out, I didn't want him to leave, i just wanted him to stop being so aggressive, so drunk, so scary. I just want him to understand that.... he threatened to kill himself and me. i need help. i need you guys to help me. please. call me please. ~kimmiko p.s. don't spread the word. cg only. i jz need someone to talk to. im sure maybe im praying to god that things will work out and get better. but i don't know it doesn't look to well right now. my guess is hes hitchhiking or on the road to somewhere. i jz wanna know if he's ok. god... i don't know what to do anymore.... im so depressed. if he hurts himself, i'll feel so bad. But if he hurts me, i won't feel as bad. please... please help.

[I wasn’t going to explain in detail to my team what was going on, but I felt threatened and as crazy as the situation was, I was in love with him and love is blind so I wanted to know that he was going to alright and not kill himself.]

After an hour, he returned to my apartment and said “you killed me.” He ran to the third floor of the 616 building and started to hit his head against the wall. I opened the door to tell him to stop and see him run down the flights of stared, fearful I shut it again. He banged on my door and I refused to let him in. I told him “I called the police, you should leave” he ran up to the third floor again and tried to jump off the ledge of the 3rd floor balcony while saying “I might as well be dead. I have no fucking family. My mom hates me. My brothers don’t respect me. I have no fucking home. And you called the cops on me. Fuck the police. Fuck em.” I opened the door again and said, “please stop it. don’t kill yourself please. you fucking promised me you wouldn’t get drunk anymore and you broke your promise. you need to leave” he came down and I locked myself in my room this time. he talked to me through my window and said to “open the fucking door.” I told him “come back when you’re sober or I’ll call the cops.” he said “call the fucking cops then, I don’t give a fuck. I’m as good as dead. I just want my stuff.” I told him, “Your stuff is outside and I’m not letting you in to get your stuff, come back when you’re sober.” He yelled, “I want my stuff.” I kept refusing. He started banging on my window, yelling “bitch give me my shit!” I was fearful that he’d break my window and come inside and beat my ass, so I started screaming. He yelled for me to “shut up” and started to punch my window, but it traumatized me even more. He punched and yelled for me to shut up. He took the screen on my windows and thrashed til they broke. I was kneeling on the floor, rocking to calm myself, screaming and crying. I heard another voice outside yell, “sir step away from the apartment.” I could see BK’s eyes full of hate look at me in disbelief that I actually called the cops, I wanted to say that I was sorry, partially I was but I couldn’t. He put his hands up to surrender and they took him into custody. They walked him over to the grill area to question him, then 3 officers questioned me. I told them this exact story. They issued me a restraining order to be effective immediately and checked my health/vital signs. They said they’ll escort me to the hospital once everything is situated.

Dan came first, when I saw him I hugged him and was so glad he was there. He asked me what happened and I told him that there’s so much going on in my head. long story short, last night, after hanging out with mcia, BK got drunk, i took him home like usual, n had to deal with his usual drunk antics (being aggressive, angry, abusive). This time it went too far, I couldn't take it anymore. I always told him, I don't mind if he drinks, but he needs to watch his limit, when he's drunk he's uncontrollable and doesn't remember half the shit he does. I told him if he ever gets drunk to the point where he hits me or disrespects me or anything again, I'm leaving and he can jz get out.... Basically, he threatened to kill himself and me, (almost did), n broke my windows. He got arrested and is now in jail for 4 accounts: domestic violence, vandalism, destruction of property, and forceful detainment/unwilling detainment of a civilian.

I left out the parts of him hitting me, why?
1) the officers told me not to talk about it to anyone other than my attorney [until the case is settled]
2) I loved BK at the moment. It was hard for me to believe that he did that to me, but I couldn’t tell anyone he hit me.

Q & Jenny came next and we [me, dan, q, jenny] sat in my living room [them asking me questions, me crying and trying to calm down, still traumatized, depressed, and in shock] all while the police took pictures of my room, the broken windows, and asked me more questions. I was worried not only for myself, but also for bk, if I had to pay for the damages, that my parents will find out, what CG will think, etc. so much shit was going on in my head. I asked the officer if BK was okay, he said “the guy is so intoxicated he asked us to get him food,” and started to laugh. They gave me personal information for counseling services that I can go to, filed a report through UCI, told VDC the damages weren’t my fault, recommended ways in which I should legally approach this situation, got all my information, and filed the case in the UCI system. After all the madness, Jenny, Q, and Dan left me after I told them I’d just fall asleep. Instead of sleeping, I wrote CG another e-mail informing them that BK got arrested:

[actual 2nd email to CG: mind you my emotions were everywhere and yes I WAS a mess, but who wouldn’t be?] 9:41am

hi cg fam bam, sorry for the emergency updates. i'm just going to fill the family in. i'm not ok. mentally, physically, emotionally. last night, after hanging out with mcia (long story short), BK got drunk, i took him home like usual, n had to deal with his usual drunk antics (being aggressive, angry, abusive). This time it went too far, I couldn't take it anymore. I always told him, I don't mind if he drinks, but he needs to watch his limit, when he's drunk he's uncontrollable and doesn't remember half the shit he does. I told him if he ever gets drunk to the point where he hits me or disrespects me or anything again, I'm leaving and he can jz get out.... Basically, he threatened to kill himself and me, (almost did), n broke my windows. He got arrested and is now in jail for 4 accounts: domestic violence, vandalism, destruction of property, and forceful detainment/unwilling detainment of a civilian. If you want to know the full story you can call me. Don't spread the word to people, this is your family member, not some gossip you can tell people. I'm not ok and I'm sure when he sobers up he won't be ok. The police put me and him on a restraining order, where he can't talk/see/be near me at all for a whole week. Despite what happened tonight, I still care/love him. If you get a hold of him. Be a family member. Don't lecture him too much. Make sure he's ok. Help him. I don't know if he'll be mad at me for calling the cops on him (but if you were there, you would understand thats the only choice I had). I hope he doesn't hate me, and hopefully one day he'll come around to talk to me. Until then, if you get a hold of him (let me know). I would like to know how he's doing, seeing I can't be anywhere near him. He has a serious alcoholic problem. He needs help. I've been trying. I got him to stop smoking and drinking for 8 months straight. He recently started up again, and it doesn't help when people keep giving him alcohal with out cutting him off or giving him cigz. Please, he needs help. Serious help, like the police were saying even if he gets bail he prolly needs to sign up for aa classes and be on probation forever n shit. So please, don't tempt him, don't tease him, help him. If you do get a hold of him, let him know that I'm not mad at him, I love him when hes sober, I hate who he is when he's drunk. He needs to get help, and we will be there for him every step of the way. Also, if you get a chance, give me a call or drop by my pad in irvine. I'm pretty fucked up (mentally, physically, etc), I don't wanna be by myself and I don't care if you wanna kick it or sleep over. Just dont' bring any alcohal or cigz or i will beat the shit outta you. but that's basically the update. ~kimmiko p.s. pray for me and him p.s.s. if i don't pick up my phone calls, i'm sorry. jz come over. i've been crying, haven't slept, and can't function properly. p.s.s.s sorry for the people i tried callign early in the morning, i didn't knwo what to do and i was scared shitless, but everythings "better" now, i appreciate you checking up on me, i need it.

After writing this e-mail, I got a knock on my door from VDC management, a lady came to pay me a visit to ask me what happened, to let me know that the damages are taken care of, that they have free counseling offered at UCI and that if I need anything to let her or UCI know. She then called the ER and they rushed me to UCI Medical Center to check me for internal bleeding.
Over the next couple weeks, I received word of the legal case against BK. He ended up in jail for 8 days, on 4 accounts: domestic violence, vandalism, destruction of property, and forceful detainment/unwilling detainment of a civilian [2 of which he was charged and pleaded guilty to: Battery against cohabitant and Vandalism-less than $400 in damages], they turned the temporary restraining order into a permanent protective order. He was sentenced to 3 years of probation, restitution, 8 hours of community service, 10 hours of cal trans, 1 years License Suspension, Alcoholics Anonymous Classes as well as Anger Management Classes, and to abide by the protective order. In the meantime, yeah I did go a little crazy, everything reminded me of him and it hurt. I felt like I was stuck, my friends [CG] tried to help me, but at the end of the day, I felt alone. I was so traumatized in my room, I stared at the window still hearing the screams and the glass breaking. I didn’t want to hurt anymore, so yeah I did try and kill myself. But that’s a story for another day. I’m just going to tell the truth about this situation, if you want to hear more about the day I overdosed and ended up in the hospital/psych ward, I will blog about it later or you can ask me, but I’ll finish this story.

2009. Over the past year, I tried to be civil w/ BK. what changed? Nothing, I tried to let it go. I’m not rich and privileged enough to move to another state or country and start my life there. I worked too damn hard at UCI to throw it away. So I stayed, I knew I wasn’t completely healed, taking Psych 129: Psych of Violence, you learn that victims of domestic violence are scarred for life and will never completely be “okay.” Fuck, if I had it my way, I’d take a long vacation and build my life elsewhere, anything to stop hurting. But I couldn’t run from it, so I tried to deal. I tried to maintain my professionalism as a dancer/director on CG and not be biased towards him, I never called the cops ONCE. I avoided chillbacks and parties that he’d probably be present to because I couldn’t stand being around him when he was drunk and didn’t want drama. But I shouldn’t have to run anymore.

June 4, 2009 DNBz Irvine Spectrum Kristyn’s Birthday
It was pretty chill day we went to watch UP at Irvine Spectrum, and dropped by DNBz for Kristyn’s Birthday. When I got there, I found Kristyn, wished her Happy Birthday, tried to buy her a drink but she was already dunzos, and took pictures with her. I said hi to a bunch of DC, CG, and KM people. When I saw BK drunk with Jeanelle, I just had to leave. DNBz was closing so people were walking out, I found Sam and we said hello and bye to a lot of people. BK approached us and tried to give me a hug which I didn’t accept and just stood lifeless, he approached Sam and tried to shake his hand in which Sam replied, “naw man.” BK drunkenly and angerly asked, “So you’re not going to shake my fucking hand? Are you serious?” I could tell he was offended by the gesture and manner especially since it was in front of CG [carl, etc]. Sam replied, “naw, later.” We started to walk away, and BK yelled “are you fucking serious?” BK and his friend walked after us yelling, “SAM! SAM! Come back here you little bitch.” I kept telling Sam to keep walking, that it wasn't worth it (he has school @ UCI, a dance team that needs him, and a summer internship to look forward to), that there are hella police and security around (before anything went down they'd both be arrested), he said “He just called me a little bitch,” we tried to get to the car in the parking structure to leave, but BK cut us off confronting Sam. Asking him why he won’t shake his hand, he has no drama with me so why all a sudden hes not cool with him, etc etc. Sam answered, “so what are you gonna do about it,” I could tell they were both angry because clenched fists and hatred looks were being exchanged. A police car rolls up onto the curb next to where we were so I decided to get in the middle to create some room between the two and looked at Sam and said “LETS GO.” Don't even get me started, but there's so much shit wrong with this situation. 1) he’s not suppose to be anywhere near me. hes not supposed to harass, stalk, follow, or threaten me. No 3rd party contact, I could’ve so easily called the police because he’s been constantly violating the protective order. 2) I’m sorry if you expected more from my boyfriend. I never told Sam to dislike you or disrespect you. What he did was out of his own will. You can think what you want and think that I influenced his thinking, but I’m not like that. I never force people to do something they don’t want to do, I specifically told him he doesn’t have to hate him or have anything against him. But, I understand why Sam didn’t shake his hand. He loves me and hearing my side of the story has lost respect for BK and didn’t want to shake his hand. But, If you want to know more about it, rather than talking shit ASK SAM your DAMN self.

June 13, 2009 Abe’s Party in Rancho Penasquitos SD [220, CG, DC]
It was a good day at Body Rock in SD. Afterward, me and Sam ate at Dennys and dropped by the party to show face because both of our teams were there. I personally didn’t want to go because I knew BK was going to be there. We get there and say "haro" to everyone and step out to the backyard for a stogg break with Faigao. Chris Bitun steps outside to tell me that he “doesn’t want any drama,” that “BK is drunk and wants to fight Sam,” that “they’ll do their best to control him and calm him down,” but he just wanted me to know. I told him, I appreciate that, but that’s why I didn’t want to come. I didn’t want to be a KJ for anyone. I don’t want to crash 220’s party. I don’t want any drama, but I wanted to show face. If I did go, I wanted to have fun and enjoy everyone’s company without it being all fucking dramatic like that, so I told him we were leaving. He told me not to leave, to stay, but I insisted and changed my argument to say that we were really tired. We went inside to say Bye to everyone and Sam told me he was going to say bye to Raffy so I waited outside with Ivan and Chris. As I saw Sam walk out the door, BK followed quickly behind him. I already knew this wasn’t going to end well. I held Sam’s hand and we walked down the hill towards his car. Up the hill, I could hear footsteps following us and looked back to see BK following us down the hill and Ivan and Chris behind him trying to calm him down and stop him. They got closer and I could hear him cussing. We get in the car and as we drive away Chris motions his hand to keep driving, but BK stands in the middle of the street to block us, as we drive around him he socks Sam’s car window. We kept driving despite how angered and insulted we both were. There was so much shit wrong with this situation as well. 1) again he violated so many parts of the protective order 2) BK u need to effing check your damn self. We didn't come to the party to fight your ass, we tried to come to show face and say wassup to 220, CG, and DC so calm the fuck down. But on that same note, who’s the one trying to start drama here? Me & Sam or BK? How does he expect to squash things approaching it in that kind of manner? How does he expect to address things intoxicated? Be a MAN, come sober, and talk it out. Otherwise, that honestly seems like you just wanted a FIGHT. It was POINTLESS.

Over the past couple days, talk about the incidences were going around CG. Some of which he told his side and I told mine. Sam even called Jeanelle seeing if they could talk about it and squash the drama, but BK never called back. At least he tried to be the bigger man, he walked away from your drunken confrontations because there was no solution there just a bigger problem, tried to address the situation in a professional calm manner, and you failed to make things better. So stop telling people that WE'RE starting drama, Stop telling people there’s drama between CG & DC. If you want to know what’s going on, ask SAM. I’m sure he’d be more than willing to tell you. Don’t blame me for any of this because their actions have nothing to do with me. Of course the situation initially started with what happened last summer, but the actions they chose to display at those moments weren’t of any of my control.

ALL in ALL. the abuse I experienced was physical before, but now I feel it to be more psychological. Over the past year, you’ve been trying to taint my name to anyone and everyone. Telling people “your side of the story” without them having anything to do with it. So many people have asked me for my side because “they heard” from you or “heard stuff.” I’m not going to stand for your slander. I’m blogging because I want my voice to be heard. If you feel it bothers you that much and you REALLY want to “squash shit,” let’s fucking do this, get your attorney and I’ll see you in court [due to the protective order you’re not even suppose to contact me through 3rd party. The only way you would be able to contact me is through your attorney]. I’m tired of seeing my friends and family slowly turn against me and begin to judge me based on this drama. I haven’t done anything to make this worse, I tried so hard to be civil, to compromise, and to prevent it. I don’t want to lose any more friends or family members due to this bullshit. IF you really want to help, do me a favor and stay out of it, please. It doesn’t involve you and you getting involved won’t help change/fix anything. If you really want to make things work, it can be arranged legally in court like it’s supposed to. I hope that this blog does justice to the events that I witnessed last summer and the past couple weeks. If you choose to believe it or not it’s your choice. I’m not trying to influence anyone’s way of thinking. I’m merely telling the TRUTH and MY side of the story. I hope you LISTENED.

Sorry for the intense long blogg, I couldn’t keep in inside anymore.

I appreciate you for reading it all the way through though.
Hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

Thank You Serendipity

2009-06-25T01:14:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Sunset Daze-Love Come Down
CurrentlyCraving: Excited of what the future has in store for us
TheMessage: wonderful SD weekend

I’ve always been a firm believer of FATE, KARMA, and SERENDIPITY.

FATE. or DESTNY refers to a predetermined course of events. It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual. It is a concept based on the belief that there is a fixed natural order to the cosmos. I believe that when you’re at the right place at the right time and you’re supposed to be there, you’ll feel it. It’s happened a couple times to me already [when I hit rock bottom and went to SD w/ my cousin and was at “victory outreach church,” when I didn’t get into my “life-determining internship” and last minute pulled an all-nighter to apply for SURP/UROP & PS Honors Thesis that same night and look I got in!, etc] After my last relationship, I told myself that if I didn’t find anyone by the time I graduated undergrad, then I’d be a single mother and adopt a child. I accepted it and was fine with it. I didn’t want to go into another relationship and end up getting hurt in the end because I knew it wasn't going to last, this wasn't the "one" for me, that it'll inevitably die. I didn’t want to waste my time, and frankly I didn’t think I had time to find someone. Honestly, I’m a workaholic busy bee, as far as my prospective dating pool goes, there’s a very slim chance that I’d find someone that I’d want to be tied down to that'll treat me right and can handle my lifestyle while supporting my dreams&goals. We started off as friends, taking smoke breaks during Mid-terms week at VDC “VDC Sesh” from 3-5am in the morning. We hit it off, pretty damn well. I’ve never met someone that I felt so comfortable with before, it was extremely easy to kick rocks and talk about anything and everything. I enjoyed every minute of our “talking/dating” phase. I feel like what we have is stronger and more genuine than a lot of couples that I know. Some people think, wow that’s fast hasn’t it only been a month or two? I say yeah, but within that month or two we grown to know each other so well that I kind of am sad that other people take months to experience that same connection that we have. I feel so comfortable and safe with him that I can genuinely be myself [he supports my dreams & goals (vice-versa), is there for me (vice-versa), we can talk about anything/everything, kick rocks and spend time together without anything being forced, we genuinely care and appreciate each other (sweetness, adoration, chivalry), and can have our own separate lives but still have eachother a big part of it(trust & faith in our relationship to kick rocks with our BOYS and GIRLS without any hesitation). We’ve introduced each other to our families [my parents love him, he went to St. Lucy Church mass with me and my family and afterwards for LUNCH my mom ended up cooking shrimp, kare kare, and BBQ chicken LOL my brothers hella chill with him and my DOG approves of him ahha. I’ve slept at his house already, met his parents, and even watched “the hangover” with his mom. I’m excited to meet the rest of his family and vice versa] I'm excited to watch our relationship grow and see what the future has in store for us.

KARMA. is when the effects of all deeds are viewed as actively shaping past, present, and future experiences. I believe what comes around goes around. There’s always got to be a balance, whether it’s good and evil, yin and yang, rich and poor, vampires and werewolves, there’s always going to be 2 opposing forces and sides. If one fucks up this balance, be ready for a kick in the ass in your future. With shit that’s happened in my past, I still pray that karma gets him first, because when I grow up, he’s going to wish that it did. Anyways, with all the fucked up shit happening to me (my bestfriend jokes that my life should be a TV series or a novel because it’d be so fucking intense/interesting), no matter how slim the probability and chance, I still had faith that I was a good person and although Nice Girls Finish Last, I’d end up genuinely happy in the end.

SERENDIPITY. is when you look for something, find something else (friendship/kickin rocks), and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for. I believe Serendipity is when FATE has a sense of humor. When a situation cannot be deemed coincidental because the probability of it happening in that scene, favor, or situation is too PERFECT that it’s almost IRONIC. There are countless times with Sam when I felt Serendipity. For example, our schedules will always complement each other so perfectly (even when they don’t, some strange unexplainable series of events will occur that’ll make our schedules work ie. vegas trip, school, hell week/finals week, Anthony&Kristyn’s b’day, etc), when we go out they’ll be some random strange sign that’ll occur to let us know that it’s FATE that we were supposed to be there, that we were supposed to leave, etc. (when we went to Top of the World & Laguna Beach late at night to celebrate when I received my SURP/UROP letter, we left right as the police patrolling the area to kick people out came and this wasn’t the first time stuff like this happened), when we kick rocks at each other’s pad and watch TV or listen to ITUNES (out of the 1000’s of channels and 1000’s of songs it’ll ironically hint at love, falling it love, or being in love), when we first kissed it was PERFECT at my favorite spot in Vegas overlooking Las Vegas Boulevard and the Bellagio Fountains (I use this word sparingly btw, I’m really judgmental and I don’t feel that most incidences are near perfect), when we were “official” it was PERFECT TIMING (when we were kicking rocks on top of my favorite spot in the world—SKYLINE PARK in LBC), and when we are together we completely click (tend to think the same things, order the same things, and when things aren’t as “ditto” we appreciate the differences).

Now the next part is going to sound straight up like a scene from a ridiculously romantic novel or movie, but I swear that this is what happened. Basically on Sunday, June 13, 2009 [2 week-anniversary BTW is you want to get technical] we went to church in SD [perfect timing, I bought Sam a new rosary and just after purchasing it he got it blessed by Holy Water because the Priest was present at the moment], watched “the Hang Over” with his mom & ate Pat & Oscars, visited my Kuya Bin in Downtown SD [he lives with Anna Sarao], and then went to Mount Soledad at around 2am in the morning because I needed to vent and he mentioned it the night before after Denny’s when we stopped at this place on top of a hill to relax and stogg break. On the way up, it was ridiculously cloudy, overcast, and with this place being a panoramic spectacular overlooking point in SD where it was beautiful regardless of the time of day, I was a little bummed [it added to my sad vibe]. However, when we got to the top of the hill [mind you, parks close at 10pm so it’s illegal to be there after hours], no one else was there so we walked to a bench that I had a feeling to walk to because it overlooked the Oceanside on the left and the City lights on the right. I’m nocturnal (the nighttime especially the hours of 1-5am are my favorite times of the day, where I feel most alive, and love to be out), and love looking up at the sky to say HARO to my moon and the stars. However, they weren’t out. We stood there adoring each other and me taking in this beautiful city of SD which I hope to further explore in the future, watching the city listens twinkle and glisten in the distance, leaving whatever negative emotion that I have die (knowing that it’s miniscule compared to the millions of people out there and knowing that there is more out there in the world, rather than dwelling on the negatives, I must focus on the more grandeur aspect of life and live), hearings and smelling the Oceanside on the left of us, and without any doubt in my mind, without any hesitation, I knew 2 things were genuine and for certain.

1) I knew I was supposed to be there with him at that very moment. I knew that with the series of events that occurred tonight that led us to go to Mount Soledad to unwind, it was perfect timing, that they weren’t random, it was FATE. That everything had a purpose, that GOD had a plan for me, I just had to have faith and follow it.

2) I knew that I was completely and genuinely in love with him. I used to “think” I was in love with a person. But what I felt at that very moment blew any of those past “loves” out of the water. It was not forced, it was truly real. I used to contemplate whether or not I’d ever experience “this type love.” Being a NERD and political science major, the majority of people that get married now-a-days end up in divorce. A high percentage of 75% of the people that get married, end up splitting. My only real hypothesis is that they weren’t really in LOVE. I was always taught that there are 3 things to always live by, HOPE, FAITH, and LOVE, and of these three, the greatest is LOVE. Majority of the people now-a-days are so scared of ending up old and alone that they force these feelings, even youth that force a relationship to not be alone or because the person is “there” but isn’t generally the best one for them (just the best one at the moment), so I feel bad that some couples and divorce’s won’t experience the type of love that we have for each other.

With the setting so perfect (despite the clouds and overcast), I turned to him, looked into his eyes and said so sincerely that I genuinely love him. I can’t explain how hard and loud my heart beat when those words came out of my mouth. We stared at each other for a second, genuinely smiled back at each other, shared a beautiful meaningful kiss, and embraced each other. He then whispered that he loves me back. After all of this happened, we turned to look at the sparkling city lights on the right and the ocean on the left and noticed that our surrounding seemed to get brighter, we now had shadows. I looked up to the sky and where we were standing, the clouds started moving away from where we were and what we were looking at (it was even more ironic to see that the clouds surrounded the moon in the shape of a heart). It was like the heavens opened up and Serendipity was looking down upon us smiling, making FATE even more obvious. Within the course of 10 minutes (mind you there was no wind, we were at the top of the mountain, if there was wind moving the clouds, we would’ve felt it) the stars in the sky shined so brightly, there was my moon shining down upon us, and the clouds were gone. The view was spectacular, we could see everything 10x more clearly, the city lights sparkled like diamonds, the Oceanside lit up under the moons light, and our shadows danced as we held each other on top of that hill. It was way too PERFECT. All I could do was look up to the sky and thank GOD and SERENDIPITY/FATE for meeting such a wonderful guy, for making me experience this type love, and for letting us know that it was “meant to be.” I’m a strong believer of FATE, KARMA, and SERENDIPITY so when I receive signs, I tend to follow them, and if it wasn’t mean to be, I would’ve known a long time ago, but this is NEVER the case with us (knocks on WOOD). After spending a couple more minutes there, we decided to head back to the OC. As we drove down the hill, I admired the night sky (stars & moon), and we passed a cop car. How strange that our perfect night ended with perfect timing yet once again. On the drive home, we talked endlessly about anything and everything like we always do (so natural for us to have chemistry, we tend to kick rocks and time flies by so effing fast).

All in all. I hope that those of you reading, one day experience true love (it’s ironic that when you’re not looking for it, it’ll find you) and when you do, appreciate every single second of it and cherish it. NEVER take it for granted or let it go/die.

perfect =D

I hope that I’m doing this moment/emotion justice by blogging about it.

If only you were there, you’d see how genuinely real and serendipitous it was.
Hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

ps. I always wear rings. 3-4 rings and 2 bracelets. I feel naked without them. My rings say, Faith, Dream, and Love. I told myself when the day comes that I find true love, I'd take the ring off. I wore it to remind me that it exists because I stopped believing in it. When that day came, I gave it to Sam. He now wears it =D Thanks hunny. I love you.

It’s so hard to say Goodbye...

2009-06-25T00:46:00.000-07:00

My family for LIFE [CGDT 08-09]

OnRepeat: CG’s Body Rock 2009 Set Video on Youtube/Mix
CurrentlyCraving: Excited to start crossing things off of my SUMMER 2-DO List
TheMessage: Hell Week + Finals Week + Body Rock = What an amazing way to end 2009

WHATwereYOUthinkin? CG’s been working really hard ever since UB ended, to put together a new set for BODY ROCK in 1 month. It’s CG’s first times competing at Body Rock and we wanted to do it BIG especially since it’s our 5 year anniversary. We basically had a 3-week hell week [Sunday, Monday, Wednesday practice with additional Friday & Saturday practices]. During Hell week, I almost died from sleep deprivation and being physically and mentally drained. I remember stressing out so hardcore and thinking “why the EFF did I take 20 units?” Trying to tackle being Director of CG as well as being a full-time student taking 20 units was definitely a challenge. HELL WEEK & FINALS WEEK at the same effing time. I realized the hell wasn’t over until SUNDAY night came.

MADNESS. Anways, I remember I was supposed to graduate my Junior Year [I only need 2 classes to graduate] from both UCLA & UCI, but after getting into SURP/UROP and possibly doing a PS Honors Thesis, it’s required for me to stay my whole senior year and graduate/walk in the Spring. Anyways, practice at times was really frustrating but I continued to push through it. I slept an average of 3-5 hours a day, went straight to the Student Center and studied at Woods Cove with the other dancers [each team had a table it was sick: CADC, KM, CG, MCIA] and I was floating between all of them. I basically had 5 effing finals, a final every single day that week, 1 Monday [11am-1pm], 1 Tuesday [10am-12pm], 2 Thursday[10am-350pm] and 1 Friday[5-7pm]. When I wasn’t studying, I was dancing, when I wasn’t dancing I was eating or sleeping. You totally know when I’m “stressed” when you see me carrying a box of cereal [either Captain Crunch or Cinnamon Toast Crunch]. I remember I almost opted out of performing for Body Rock because I knew it was going to be ridiculously hard for me to juggle both, but I made a sacrifice for my team because they needed me and as a dancer/director to limit the number of pieces I was going to be in. I told my team and directors that I couldn’t be in more than 2 pieces w/ exception to intro and closer. In Vegas Set, I was in every effing piece except for breaking [it was a boy’s piece] and that was INTENSE. I figured the time they spent cleaning the other pieces, I’d be frantically studying.

GETitTOGETHER. Junior year I needed to turn my life around. I’m not going to spend $3000 a quarter to just FUCK around, get a BAD GPA, and throw my life away. I realized that I can do anything that I effing want, if I just gotta “be about it” and handle my shit. So I handled DANCE, SCHOOL, and WORK. The only thing I wasn’t on my “A” game about was my relationship with GOD. It kind of sucks being really busy, I know I’m supposed to sacrifice that 1 hour a week to attend a service and pay my respects and praise GOD and it sucks that at the moment he is not one of my top priorities. My faith isn’t dying, I pray all the time and carry my bible around everywhere, but I surely haven’t been going to church. I hope that all changes once I get my life situated after the madness.

PreviewNight. Preview Night went smoothly, I was nervous to drive to BODY ROCK because we had an early effing call time [9am], meaning us OC people would have to leave at 7am. The venue was at the Rock Auditorium. I was scared to drive because I’m not a morning person and a 1.5 hour drive wouldn’t work for me. I was so exhausted from finals and dancing that I probably would’ve gotten into an accident. So Sam drove me down to SD Friday Night after we stopped by the DC PEOTY party [in which I was only supposed to say “haro” and meet DC, but ended up swigging 7 seconds of CAPMO & drinking the rest of Mark’s beer & getting a LAP DANCE lol it was good times, I totally would’ve stayed if I wasn’t so tired]. We slept at Sam’s place that night.

BodyRock2009. Flier

BodyRock. I was late to call-time. We teched at 1015am. I love competition days because I get to see all my dancer friends [PAC,KM,TM,220,SGBM,etc]. It was someone frustrating and everyone was tired that when we got a break to get food/etc, most of us watched tech or took a NAP. Afterwards, we practiced a little, got ready for the competition, and went outside to practice again. BTW, everyone looked so EFFING in character it was AMAZING. We really portrayed the ERA and characters we were supposed to be [girls looked like girls, boys looked like soldiers, hair, makeup, and all]

Outside, we practiced in a courtyard across the street in which we marked it twice, did minor cleaning, then they did something so heart-breaking I cried so hard. Basically, they wanted us to have emotion through our set, especially the closer. I remember at practice a couple times, we’d talk about the “facial” behind this piece and how it’s something you can’t fake. “How to Save a Life” could be dedicated to someone you lost, a pet you lost, someone you don’t want to live without, etc. and we’ve all cried and brawled about it before. But this was much worse. Chris said, “If this is your last year and you are not returning to dance on CG next year, come up to the front. If this is not your last year and you are staying next year, I want you to do the whole closer.”

Those words stabbed me like a knife through the heart. I looked up the sky holding back tears as I saw my Oldies, Gamma Class, Alpha Class, and Directors [chris, angela, mylien, jeff, kim, dan, jezzie, Loretta, Karen, tuan, tracie, matt, etc] walk up to the front. I knew it was a lot of people’s last years, but I never thought they’d leave all at the same time. I understand their reasons for leaving, but it still hurts. I’m the youngest Oldie & Director, but I grew up with dancing and growing with them. I looked around to see who was left and it was the younger generation [andy, carl, jenna, etc]. I was the only Oldie & Director left and the tears started to fall even before we started dancing. I couldn’t take it, it was so heart-breaking. They’ll always be homies and family no matter how far apart they are, but it was so hard for me to stay on CG knowing they were all leaving, sometimes I thought, maybe I should leave too. But deep down, I knew it’s not my time, I got one more year of competition left in me and there’s no other team I’d love to lead and dance for other than COMMON GROUND. After we did the closer, I was hugging Andy and we both cried so hard. I couldn’t even look at them. I never wanted them to see me cry like this, but as much as I get annoyed at practice, I love them, every fucking single one of them. We tried to calm down and walk back inside the Rock Auditorium because we were about to perform [we were 5th in the show, 3rd competition team], but the sadness and tears were still on my face. I remember walking through the crowds of people and running to Sam and DC and they were asking me what’s wrong, I couldn’t even begin to explain it other than saying “senior stuff.” The girls redid their make-up and we lined up outside [2nd up, 1st up, in the hole, on deck, performing] stretching, eating, and getting pumped up to perform.

This particular year of CG has grown so well together that we complement each other as dancers perfectly. We’ve run this set a million times despite the fact that we’ve put it together in a month and we knew it was muscle memory, all we had to do was execute it, perform it, and dance for each other. I remember bringing it in and telling CG that I love them, to dance for each other, and dance your heart out on that stage. When we performed, I felt it going by so fast, my adrenaline was going, and everything was on point. I could feel it even as I was dancing and watching it on the side. Once I got done with Tuan’s, I crossed the back-stage to change and get ready for closer and I felt the tears coming on. When Chris got “shot” I couldn’t help it. I was brawling. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn’t. The emotion and feeling was there, it wasn’t forced, it was genuine and it was real. I was dancing “How to Save a Life” for CG, for Kirk, for CG--the people that I love and would never ever wanna lose in my life. I remember people telling me to stop crying because I was going to make them cry, but it was too late. I’ve never danced while crying on stage before, but man it’s one of the greatest feelings in the world. To do something you love and do it so passionately. At the end of closer, although we were supposed to hold, no one moved, I wasn’t alone. our whole effing team was crying. I remember walking outside afterwards and people telling me that when they saw me cry they started crying. That during the 2nd part of closer they saw my face and felt my pain and cried.

Back-stage, we ran into our Alumni who left to greet us and told us they cried. We got interviewed by DanceTag TV, packed up our shit, and watched the rest of the show from the balcony. Afterwards, we got so many effing compliments from people that it was amazing. On YouTube, within the first 2 days there were more than 5,000 views, by the end of the week there was more than 3 videos of our set up, more than +200 comments, and that feeling is the greatest. To know that all our hard work payed off, to know that people felt really touched by our set, to know that CG has come a LONG way and to leave that kind of impression on people was beautiful. I got compliments from every team, every dancer, even Anna Sarao. To hear that our Army set really touched them because they felt it, to hear they think we should’ve placed [I don’t care about placing BTW it’s just a cherry on top, but to hear we should’ve placed at our first DEBUT at BODY ROCK! is amazing], to hear people think of us as one of their top/favorite teams, to hear people want to audition for us next year is what keeps me motivated as a dancer and a director. To stay, to push, to continue to grow and always remember that it’s worth it. Thank You CG for the memories. Thank You for allowing me to dance and lead the team this year. I am so effing proud and love every single one of you. I wish those Alumni, Alpha, and Oldies, who have to leave this year the best and you’ll always be Family. CG U KNOW!

CGDT08-09 Preview Night [Thanks Dan]

CGDT08-09 Body Rock.

CGDT08-09 Body Rock.

CGDT08-09 Body Rock. Official Body Rock Video

Afterwards we did normal tradition, gathered around with CG family, friends, and alumni and the directors read scores to the team and we took group pictures. Then Sam & I ate at Denny’s, stogg'd breaked at a chillspot, dropped by the 220,CG,DC party in Mira Mesa at Abe’s house, and slept at Sam’s place

I literally cried writing this blogg.
I somewhat feel I didn’t even do this blogg justice because I couldn’t put how I feel into words. I hope you just saw it through my performance.
I hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

Summer Summer Summer Time in the LBC/OC/LA/SD...

2009-06-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

June+July+August+September = SoCal+NorCal RoadTrip & kicking rocks w/ FamBam+Friends

OnRepeat: The Dove Shack - Summertime In The LBC
CurrentlyCraving: for the adventures to begin [can’t wait to capture them with my camera and blogg]
TheMessage: Summer 2009 will be nothing short of unforgettable and amazing

I worked damn hard all year long. I’m so excited that the summer is finally here! Of course there’s a lot of “work” still left to be done, but when I look back on 2009, I damn well lived life to the fullest. I met a lot of wonderful people, caught up with a lot of old friends, built stronger bonds with my family, was “being about it” the whole academic school year, accepted Christ and grew to build my relationship with him, danced my heart out with my CG family, began my journey to “find myself” again, became a member to new families BI+BMOD, and learned to “love” again. In short, 2009 even though it had some really rough times was the most life-changing, productive, and proactive year I’ve ever experienced. With that being said, I’m going to learn to leave the negatives in the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. Let the GOOD TIMES ROLL.

SURP/UROP. So earlier this year, I applied for SURP [Summer Undergraduate Research Program] at UCI. UC schools are known for conducting research. I applied for a fellowship and grant [grants can be awarded up to $3000, but they tend to go to students who have groups of 2-3 and are working on BIO projects or something to that effect].AND I GOT AN EMAIL saying:
It is my pleasure to inform you that the Summer Undergraduate Research Program (SURP)/Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program (UROP) Faculty Advisory Board has recommended your appointment as a SURP Fellow at UCI for Summer 2009. We are awarding $2000 in support of your proposed research project, "Virtual Worlds: In What Ways Does Gender & Identity Transcend Through to Virtual Worlds? A Study on Californian LAN Centers and its People," under the supervision of Professor Tom Boellstorff.
SO YAY! I got awarded a fellowship [I can say that I'm Kimberly-Ann Maniego, a researcher from the University of California, Irvine] and a grant of $2000 to conduct my research project. I also got asked to present my research at the UC Undergraduate Research Symposium in May 2010.AND my research will also be published in the UC Undergraduate Research Journal [so you can MLA cite me, MANIEGO ahha].I'm really happy and excited because this is my ticket to GRAD School. So I'll be traveling all over so-cal and nor-cal. I plan on interviewing and surveying LAN centers from June-Aug. Attending gaming conventions from July-August. and have all the data organized/transcribed by September so that I can further interpret and analyze the data during the Fall. Preparing to present my research and write my proposal for publication during Winter & Spring.

Political Science Honors Thesis. Earlier this year, I also was trying to find a faculty mentor for my PS Honors Thesis. The previous e-mailed I received said:
Hope the quarter is going well. I have been in contact w/ Prof Boellstorff now. He and I agree that we should see how the independent study with him goes this quarter. If things go well and it seems appropriate, he is willing to consider and discuss with you and me the possibility of he and I co-mentoring your thesis. I will be in touch with him again late in the quarter.
I did effing well this past quarter! I took 20 units and ended up with 1 A-, 1 B+, 2 B’s and 1 B-. I ended up with an A- for my Anthro 199 independent study course [so I did well]. So I’m waiting on the okay from this professor and I’m set for senior year! I get to walk with an gold honors cap&gown and Business Graduate School, here I come! I am still very passionate and still 100% committed to doing a research study and writing a senior thesis on a topic incorporating both Political Science and Cyberspace/Information and Communications Technologies (ICTs) [more specifically, on Blogs, the Internet, and Politics, which will explore how blogs and the Internet are shaping today’s politics and changing political coverage in the media (incorporating past elections and political campaigns, the power and influence of the digital age, fundraising and the web, and the future of the blogosphere and internet politics)]. Considering that the Summer is already here, I am anxious to hear back from this particular professor because I would like to get a head start and begin researching/studying/planning,etc. during the Summer to better prepare myself for the following academic year. I would be honored and would greatly appreciate it if they both would agree to co-mentor my thesis. Anyways, my schedule thus far is pretty busy. But, I kept the months of August and September open for this purpose [hopefully I hear from him soon].

Bartending. I enrolled into the National Bartending School of America. I’ve been working in the restaurant industry for 3.5 years [1 year as a hostess (lead), 1 year as a server (lead), and 1 year as a cocktail waitress]. I’ve made a lot of bartender friends and they make bank. Considering that GMAT tests are $250 a pop, grad school applications are +$200 each, and all the expenses for dance, food, and living next year, this part-time job is more than needed. I graduate in 2 weeks and I’m really excited. I want to throw a graduation party. Here's the deal, bring your choice of alcohol and I'll bring the mixes and stuff and I have my bartending gear and I'll make all the drinks [anything you want, test me, and try me!]. I need to know who would be down, so I can figure out how many people and the location. It'll prolly be at my apartment, or if there are hella people I'll get a better location. But I'd love to celebrate this moment with you guys! I've been going to bartending school 5 days a week for 4-5 hours at a time. It's been pretty effing intense, I hope to have 2 part-time bartending jobs [1 restaurant & 1 club] by the beginning of July, so I'll keep you posted so you can come visit me =D

GMAT Classes. I'm going to be taking GMAT classes [starting July-Sept] but they're only once a week at on Sundays UCLA from 330-9pm. I want to study the GMAT for a whole year so that I can score in the 97-99th percentile and ensure my acceptance into Business Grad School.

Dance. I decided to take a break from CG this summer, but I’ll still be dancing for Sheroes. I needed to take a break from dancing for CG in the summer until the end of July. It was really hard for me to make this decision because I know it's a lot of the Alpha & Oldies last year and I want to dance [fun performances & etc] with all of them before they leave. I'm not leaving CG. I'm still coming back to dance all next year. But for now, during this summer, there's a lot of shit I need to handle.

Family&Friends. My cousin’s getting married on July 18, 2009. I plan on visiting my family in SD a lot more often. I want to spend a lot of time w/ family and friends this summer, because I know once my senior year starts I’ll be tied down to dance, my honors thesis, my research project, and bartending.

ALL in ALL. I’m hella busy. What’s new though? I tend to be a workaholic/busy bee year-round. My only free days are Friday-Saturday [but that might change when I get my bartending job], but regardless, hit me up this summer. I’d love to make time for you and kick rocks! Anyways, I want this to be a summer that I’ll always remember. It’ll be one of my last summer’s in OC [depending on where I get into grad school, if I don’t get into grad school, I’m studying abroad]. So, with that being said, I have a summer 2-do list. Hopefully I can cross all of these off on my list by the time September ends [a girl can dream right?].

Summer 2-DO List
• Beaches & Piers [Venice, Santa Monica, Ports O' Call Village, SD, etc. I want to build a sandcastle, bury someone in the sand, jam by the ocean, jump in the water with my clothes on, etc.]
• Learn to skateboard & ride a bike [yeah… kind of pathetic, but I honestly forgot how to do both of these, I want to be able to go on a scenic bike trail]
• Theme Parks [Disneyland, Universal Studios & Citywalk, Six flags, SD Zoo, and Seaworld]
• Nightlife [Hollywood, Sunset Boulevard]
• Road trip [So-Cal to Nor-Cal, thank God I have to visit 20 LAN Centers]
• VEGAS [I want to go at least 3 times before my summer ends, 1 July, 1 august, 1 September!]
• Spots [Angels Gate Park, ~~Skyline,~~ ~~Mount Soledad,~~ etc]
• Museums, Observatories, Botanical Gardens & Art Galleries [California Science Center, LA Arboretum, Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County, ~~Griffith Observatory~~ (7.10 we watched the sunset & a planetarium show), Los Angeles County Museum of Art, Discovery Science Center, ~~Balboa Park~~ (7.11 we chilled in the park, but i still want to explore the museums there), ~~Del Mar Fair~~ (6.29 we went to music, art, & flower exhibits)]
• Movies&Reading [I want to watch hella summer flicks and read hella novels]
• ~~Concert~~ ~~[I haven’t been to an effing concert since high school, it’s been 3.5 years overdue]~~ 6.26.09 Del Mar Fair (Switchfoot & Nothing Ever Stays)

I’m sure there are more but that’s all I can think of, off the top of my head.
Get ready for me to blog 3-4 more within the next 1-2 days.
Hope you’re all enjoying your summer and having better days.
<3 kimmiko

A week to remember.

2009-06-02T02:36:00.000-07:00

***Sorry for the long ass overdue birthday week blogg. It'll be updated as the week progresses. But for now, ENJOY =D***
My default pose

OnRepeat: Deal – Turn Ya Out
CurrentlyCraving: Summer Time. 3 weeks and counting til I can chill w/ family & friends again.
TheMessage: The ONLY people you need in your life are the ones that prove that they need you in theirs. Thank God that I have true homies & family that genuinely love me. THANK YOU for a wonderful unforgettable 21st birthday week.

5.19.Tuesday Every single day last week, I pulled 6am VDC study sessions to get all my homework, papers, journals, and studying for my 5.21 Thursday Midterm out of the way so I could just chill/relax and have fun during my 21st birthday week. Tuesday after class [11am-5pm] I finished choreographing for my Groove Community Class at the ARC [surprisingly only took 1 hour because I was really feeling the song. Thanks again eric for letting me choreograph to it]. Genie rolled through and I taught her so that she could be my helper.

Flier for Groove Community Class

Afterwards, we met up with Sam and we went to TGI’s in Costa Mesa [Btw, I miss the days when CG used to roll through here after practice] for food and to countdown til my 21st birthday. I ordered my first drink [mudslide] LEGALLY, which was a little weird [I was worried they would deny me because my ID and my current self look nothing alike] and opened genie’s lookin’ ass tiffany’s present.

Genie’s lookin’ ass present

Once Midnight hit, CG & BMOD + Lumagui Fambam raped my facebook, blew up my phone with birthday texts, singing/non-singing birthday phone calls/voice mails, and sent me e-cards/emails and birthday cards. I love those betches so much. YAY I’m finally 21! <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.web4men.eu/image_story/296/296.jpg">TGI’s

Afterwards, Genie went home to LBC and I kicked rocks with Sam [btw, I love that we could kick rocks anywhere, the time will pass by so fast, we can talk about anything & everything, and still have fun].

5.20.Wednesday I woke up to eat lunch with my family at Tokyo Table in Irvine Diamond Jamboree Plaza. It was good times with good food, people, and atmosphere. My parents bought me a new Black Sony Cybershot for my birthday [I always wanted a camera so YAY!] and provided the Palazzo Hotel Suite this weekend from Fri-Mon.

Tokyo Table

Afterwards, Sam picked me up and took me to San Diego. We dropped by his house and I met his parents [which I was hella nervous about meeting, but they ended up being really nice]. Then we went to La Jolla Beach. Mang was it beautiful & chill/relaxing. I wish there was a closer place like that around the OC, if there was I’d be there every effin time I was stressed or just be there just cz. When I got hungry, he brought out Filipino Spagetti which he cooked and was yummy [in replacement of Pansit for traditional Filipino “long-life birthday” sake]. Then we drove back to OC, he dropped my off at practice.

La Jolla Beach

We practiced at the hot rooms that night and I was greeted with many Birthday wishes & hugs. We casted for intro and learned the poppin piece. After getting kicked out of the hot rooms at 11am, we caravanned over to our home at Mesa Structure 3rd floor. Lil Jeffrey [my fellow director/team captain] pulled me aside to discuss a possible performance after Body Rock. After talking business our founders, Tommy & Kirk tell everyone to circle up because they have an announcement. Out of nowhere they start singing happy birthday to me & traceface busts out a delicious lookin’ ass chocolate cake. Me & Matt make a wish & blow out the candles. After cutting the cake, serving it to CG, and as we were about to start blocking for intro, BMOD’s lookin’ ass [texas, Robbie, karl, Anthony, jean, Hannah, etc.] comes down from the 4th floor with balloons, signs, & silk chocolate milk singing Happy Birthday to me. We took pictures, ate cake, I laughed at the fact that Jean bought me chocolate silk =D and we finished blocking Intro.

**Waiting for Anthony’s pictures that are still in his awesome camera**

To be honest, I was worried that my birthday wouldn’t be that great because I had CG practice. But I realized I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. CG & BMOD how I love you guys. You truly are my effing family. Thank You for that wonderful Birthday greeting and visiting me at practice.

Vista Del Campo Community Center

Afterwards I VDC study sesh’d it for an hour [I have a midterm the next morning], went back to my apartment and knocked out.

5.21.Thursday Psychology of Violence midterm that I didn’t really study for ended up going pretty well, 50/60. Not bad. Our professor e-mailed us saying that everyone pretty much failed the midterm and therefore she is opening up an extra credit quiz worth 7 points [class is point based out of 300 so every point counts, no curves, no room for error, and no bullshit]. I took that quiz within 45 mins and now my midterm score is 56/60. so YAY!

Dave & Busters Irvine Spectrum

After packing for vegas, I took a nap at home. Then I got ready for DNBz and met up with Genie & Robbie lookin’ ass. I didn’t want to get smashed in Vegas because I wanted to remember my birthday weekend, so I told everyone that they could get me smashed at DNBz. All day, I’ve been getting calls & texts from everyone saying they’re going to be there, by me drinks, and party with me. I even got advice from Big B [Brian our founder] on how to not be so hung over and hang since he knows hella ppl were gonna get me drunk [thanks for the tip, I did it and it worked pretty well]. Once 9pm hit, we left for DNBz at Irvine Spectrum to eat, drink, and party my 21st away. Kuya & Grandpa [Kirk & Tommy our founders] met us there to get the “younginz” hehehe in. We got a table for 20 which quickly filled up with BMOD, CG, and Newsong [church] people. Hella people came out which really made me happy. Hella appreciated it. CADC was also there celebrating Jungle’s birthday. CG came through [Rob, Jena, Leo, Loretta, Johnny, Drew, Kayla, Matt, Paul, 3 Founders, Genie, April, Mylien, and Angela]. BMOD came through from Pomona after Jasmine’s workshop [Robbie, Paul & his homie, Anthony, Karl, Eric, Texas, Jean, Neil, Jasmine, and KJ]. A couple friends from high school [CAMS], Newsong [church], and home home [LBC] came to visit too [Pete, Eric, Wade]. I had a lot of fun. Let’s just say after 9 shots [2 patron, 2 151, the rest I don’t even know], 3 mixed drinks [1 Tokyo Tea from Angela, 1 stoplight from Johnny, and I don’t even remember the 3rd one], I was “I LOVE EVERYONE” drunk. Thank You all for coming out, stopping by, eating, drinking, and playing games with me. I really love you guys and had a lot of fun. I felt so loved LOL.

Genie & Sam took me home. I woke up at 7am with a mad hangover, dehydrated with my head and body aching. Thanks Sam for taking care of me. He’s so effing good to me. After going back to sleep, I woke up refreshed without a hangover ready to get the day started. VEGAS HERE WE COME!

5.22.Friday VEGAS. I effing love Vegas. My family has always been a bunch of gamblers and I learned to love this city at a very young age. I love the high end luxurious lifestyle. I love the city that never sleeps, the gambling, the buffets, the lights, the atmosphere, etc. I was hella excited and stoked. I love the Palazzo Hotel, it’s such a beautiful high end 5 diamond hotel and luckily we have 2 suites reserved there for the whole weekend. We were supposed to leave by 11am. But because of my drunken condition, we didn’t leave til 1pm. I was praying we didn’t hit traffic. I know this weekend will be crazy because it’s Memorial Day Weekend. Genie & I stopped by McDonalds and grubbed then drove 5 hours to Vegas stopping by Barstow & Primm Valley to gas up and eat.

Barstow

Primm

I love Genie btw. She’s freaking awesome and one REAL down ass homegirl [good conversations & times in the car]. We got to the Palazzo Hotel, met up with my fam bam [Mom, Dad, Kuya Kj, his SL homies Nick & John, my Tita Reccie & Uncle Ben], set up shop in our hotel suite 30-722 [which my parents nicely furnished with drinks & food/snacks], and unpacked/enjoyed the view. We ran into KM people who happened to be staying at the Palazzo Hotel on the same floor and talked/chilled with them a little during the weekend. During the meantime, I kept checking status on the 3 other CG cars [Sam&Loretta, Kim&Jeff+Clarence&Melissa&Jake, and Johnny&Drew]. **Btw I parked in the same effing spot in P1 the whole weekend it was freaking awesome. It might have well read “kimmiko’s parking space”**

Palazzo Hotel

Palazzo Lobby

Me in the Lobby

Me & Genie

Me & Genie Chillen

Mom&Dad

Me&Kuya Kj

I had a whole itinerary for this Vegas weekend, but knowing that there was hella people in Vegas, I think it had to be thrown out the door. Thanks to Pete, I was on the VIP guestlist [Me+my friends for free] for 5 clubs: Xs, Tao, Prive, Jet, and Tryst. However, the 3 cars were estimated to get here around 2am-4am, so I didn’t go clubbing. Instead, Genie & I went to get dinner at Grand Lux Café downstairs where we ordered some DANK ass food and took pictures with my lovely NEW camera.

Grand Lux Café @ the Palazzo

Genie’s cute lookin’ ass

Me tryina copy Genie’s cute lookin’ ass pose

After eating dinner, my fat kid mentality ass wanted something sweet so we grabbed Gelato at my favorite Gelato place in Vegas which happened to be located conveniently in the Palazzo Hotel: Espressamente Illy. Yay for Bacio gelato [orgasm in the mouth lol]. Then we gambled a little on the Palazzo Casino floor.

Espressamente Illy

Penny Slots Gambler

After passing time that way, Kristyn & Richard call me to tell me they are staying at the Excalibur Hotel. So Genie & I drive over to MGM to meet them up and kick rocks/gamble/chill. OTW, we took pictures of beautiful Las Vegas Boulevard. They passed us quite a few times, because apparently they “didn’t even recognize me” LOL. They bought me a yard of Strawberry Daquiry filled with RUM which I surprisingly downed in less than 10 minutes. Our objective was to ride the Roller Coaster at NYNY, but it was closed. So we gambled at NYNY & MGM. My drunk lookin’ ass won money and it was hella fun good times.

Genie & I driving down LV Blvd

Wynn Hotel [parallel to the Palazzo Hotel]

Treasure Island [across from the Palazzo Hotel]

Venetian Hotel

Imperial Palace & Harrahs

Caesars Palace

MGM

NYNY

Kristyn & Richard +my drink+MGM

My drunk ass winning

Johnny & Drew arrived at the Palazzo at 2am so Me & Genie headed back to the Palazzo Hotel to wait for them and Kristyn & Richard headed back to Excalibur Hotel. Genie is the best photographer ever BTW. She caught me on the phone and everything [thanks for capturing the many memories]. CG didn’t get there til 4am and after they changed and got ready we explored the Palazzo Hotel together, gambled, drank, ate, and chilled. After staying up til 6am we decided to get some sleep. Johnny & Drew however decided to pull an all-niter and went on drunken adventures walking the strip.

On the phone outside 30-722

Johnny, Drew, Me&Sam, Genie, Loretta

He makes me happy

5.23.Saturday Johnny, Drew, Loretta, Genie & I went down to the 3rd floor to the Palazzo Pool. Johnny ordered me a very tasty Mango Colada which I downed in 1 minute because it was so freaking DANK, which I thought had no alcohol but apparently did have a lot. For only being in the pool for an hour, we emerged DARK! lol.

Palazzo Hotel Pools

Genie, Clarence, Me, Melissa, & Loretta by the fountains at the Palazzo

The cute couple & I [btw I look like a little kid here]

Sam&Kimmiko

We woke everyone up to get ready to eat at the Wynn Buffet before my Groove Community Class. We walked over to the Wynn buffet, took pictures, and grabbed gelato on the way there. The buffet was amazing btw, usually its priced at $25-30, but since it was memorial day weekend it was $45. But man was the selection top notch [succulent crab legs, grade A meat, etc], everything was so delicious, especially the desserts [crepes, cheesecake, cookies, crème rule,]. 4 entrée plates + 2 dessert plates = euphoria.

The Wynn Buffet

Sam & I at the “lit up trees” at the Wynn

Afterwards, Genie, Sam & I headed over to Studio 702 so that I could teach my Sheroes Class. After supporting Alexis [founder of sheroes], Lorence from UG Gen 1 called me and took my class. It was fun, I made friends with Mecamee, Formality LV, and Studio 702 people. I was nervous to teach my class, but I really loved the song and I could tell they loved to the piece so YAY! I got paid btw =D

Groove Community Class

**Videos will be posted as soon as Groove puts them up on youtube**

After my class, we headed back to the Palazzo Hotel to get ready for the night. Friday was “dress to impress.” Saturday was “black & white w/ accent color.” We got ready and headed over to the Fremont Street Experience in Downtown Las Vegas [A pedestrian mall and light-show attraction in downtown Las Vegas.] We also met up with Lorence from UG GEN 1, and Byron from BMOD. At Fremont we met up with some Formality LV boys [Greg, etc]. We watched the light-show attraction, gambled a little at the cheap tables, bought cheap drinks & yards [blue Hawaiian, tornado, adios], and watched street graffiti artists. BTW HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL JEFFREY!

It’s bigger than me

UG GEN 1 [me, lor, n clare bear]

Casino

Me & Sam [Black & Gold]

Group photo in front of the fountains

wonderful parking space

Freemont Street Experience

Fremont Street

Street Graffiti

Light Show

Afterwards, I wanted to head over to Bellagio Hotel to gamble, drink, and watch the fountains. However, miscommunication and the other cars went back to the Palazzo Hotel. Jake & Loretta decided to walk back to Palazzo Hotel. Me, Sam & my brother decided to kick rockz at the Bellagio and gamble. When we got back to the hotel, CG went to party and chill with KM and I knocked out.

Bellagio Hotel

Bellagio Lobby

Bellagio Botanical Garden

5.24.Sunday CG went down to eat lunch at Grand Lux Café. Afterwards, we went down to the Blue Man Group store which was conveniently located in the Palazzo Hotel and took pictures. CG had to leave by 2pm to get to practice on time. Me, Sam, Johnny & Drew were staying until Monday since my parents had the suite for me for the whole weekend.

blue WOman group

jeff, kim, jake

blue man group

drums

group picture

me & genie

After CG left, the four of us set off to Planet Hollywood for the Miracle Mile shops. I wanted to drive but Johnny & Drew convinced me to walk the strip, which was HOT and FAR, and got me DARKER but it was fun ahha. I wanted a PINKS hot dog so badly, to find out that they were relocating and not selling during the reconstruction process. Johnny & Drew had to catch dinner with Johnny’s family, so Sam & I walked around Miracle Mile shops and ate at Hawaiian Tropic Zone [it’s so funny how much we have in common, we ordered the exact same thing], ordered a yard of Eye Candy at Fat Tuesday, and ate Nestle Toll House Cookies.

planet Hollywood

Miracle Mile Shops

Miracle Mile Shops Directory

Miracle Mile Shops [raining]

Miracle Mile Shops by the V

Fat Tuesdays

Afterwards we started to walk back to the Palazzo Hotel stopping by Flamingo Casino to gamble where we made friends with the Security guard who gave us wristbands so we didn’t have to get carded and gambled/passed time there. We walked back to the Palazzo, took a nap, and went to the Bellagio to watch the fountains and wait for Johnny & Drew [whose dinner took 4 hours]. We set up at my favorite spot at the Bellagio to watch the fountains and took pictures. I love the fountains at the Bellagio, they’re my favorite. It’s so beautiful and relaxing. We shared our "first kiss" that night. I can't even put into words how it made me feel. I'll blogg about him another day. All in all, tt was such a great night, especially with Sam being there =D

Secret Spot

Sam&Kim

view from secret spot

his idea and he took this really cute picture

After watching the fountains, we walked over to Miracle Mile Shops again and went into Urban Outfitters to read my favorite book: Post Secret. We then walked over the Bellagio and ate late dinner at Café Bellagio before heading back to the Palazzo.

Post Secret

Favorite Quote of the Night

Café Bellagio

Once we were back at the Palazzo, Johnny, Drew and I went down to gamble. During the weekend, whenever I played I always came up, but this time I played 2 bills off and lost ahaha. It was good times though. Johnny tapped out early and went upstairs to sleep while me & Drew played the night away. Man was that fun =D

5.25.Monday Checked out by 11am. Ate at the Grand Lux Café again for brunch. Dropped Drew & Johnny off at MGM. And headed back home to OC. BAD IDEA. MADD TRAFFIC Memorial Day Weekend. I guess everyone decided to leave early Monday. From Stateline to Vegas it’s a 45 minute drive, but because of the bumper to bumper, 5mph then stop—5mph then stop, and madd congestion of cars trying to get home to LA it took us 2 HOURS to get there. Getting gas at Primm took 2 hours. We decided to kick rocks and wait for nighttime to leave, the drive at night still took us 5 hours. We stopped at Primm and Barstow before getting home. On the ride back we listened to both our ipods, hella def jam comedy [dane cook, pablo francisco, dat phan, etc] Was hella tired and knocked out.

All in all, my birthday week was effing amazing. I will never forget it. I can’t wait til finals & hell week are over with. I really want to take this summer to enjoy life. Graduate from bartending school and be a bartender. Study year-round for the GMAT. Take a break from dancing and go back to VEGAS and gamble/club/enjoy life. I just want to relax and chill. More pictures & edits will come as the days go by. I’m kind of swamped with CG & Finals week for UCI.

Thank You for a wonderful 21st Birthday week.
I’m free in 2 weeks so let’s make some summer plans.
Hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

Turning 21. A Milestone?

2009-05-17T01:19:00.000-07:00

I turn 21 on May 20, 2009

OnRepeat: The Dream – Walking on the Moon
CurrentlyCraving: Time to stand still long enough for me to reflect on my reminiscent past and move forward, while enjoying my 21st birthday and not being afraid of what the future holds in store for me.
TheMessage: “I wish for...happiness...prosperity...and strength/drive powerful enough that'll make me hold onto my dreams & ideals.”

3days. Wow. In 3 days, I turn 21. In the lives of American college students, one of the best moments/experiences is finally turning 21. Most people plan this night to be memorable, either by throwing an all-out party, going to Vegas, or not remembering it at all. I’m such a selfless person. But, for once in my life, I’m going to be selfish and have a whole 21st birthday week! So I’m starting it off by spending time w/ my famz & homiez [haven’t made any official plans but I’m free]. I have practice on my actual birthday [May 20th], so I hope people visit me and keep me sane. Thursday I want to go to DnBz/have dinner. Fri-Sun will be in Vegas. I planned an itinerary [jam-packed with adventure & good times] in hopes of not wasting time and making the most out of my 21st birthday experience [ie. eating at wynn & rio buffets, clubbin @ Xs for free cz I’m VIP, walking the strip at night, gambling legally in the casino, hotel party, outlet shopping, etc]. I got a suite at the Palazzo Hotel and invited those that I would love to be there & celebrate my 21st with me. Of course it’s understandable that some people couldn’t go due to money, gas, work, school, etc. But, regardless I’m going to have an effing blast with those that are going. It scares me that I’m turning 21, because there’s only one way to go from here and it’s up [growing older, aging, etc.] I never looked at the age “21” to be the age where I became an “adult.” Growing up, I was forced to “grow up” too fast. Currently, I feel like my mental age is that of a 23-25 year old. Rather, I look at it as a chance to actually pursue what I want to do [go to bartending school, business grad school, no longer gamble at Indian casinos, buy drinks & make drinks legally, invest in my future, etc]. So I hope the age of 21 brings me many good times, many great opportunities, and many memories.

Final words on this blogg, “LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL.”

Had a very intense day today, but it was all worth it.
Hope these next 4 weeks don’t kill my birthday ecstacy.
Hope you’re all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

ps. today was an intense day: gym, lunch w/ sonasty & genie [indian food & mochilato], beach w/ b.mod lookin' ass [good times w/ melissa, texas lookin' ass, hannah lookin' ass, buddy, neil, rj, yackz lookin' ass, eric, byron & gigz], cousins grad party, & now i'm off to sesh @ seaside.

I Can't Stop Smiling.

2009-05-16T04:47:00.000-07:00

**updated ps&ps2**

"i'm going for it"

OnRepeat: Lloyd ft. Lil’ Wayne - You
CurrentlyCraving: another session
TheMessage: “I hope my heart's not being foolish.”

crushing. wow. I haven’t blogged in forever. I’ve been meaning to blogg about how stressful this week has been, but I haven’t had any downtime. Despite all the drama/bullshit with school & cg, this week [from 2-5am] has been amazing. I’ve been staying up daily til 6am to get all my shit out of the way for next week, so that I could jz chill and relax my 21st birthday week. Anyways, every time something stressful would happen during the daytime, at night all of that stress would just go away with a late night sesh. Literally… “I can’t stop smiling.” After all the shit I’ve been through, I told myself to guard my heart. I told myself that “nice girls finish last.” I told myself that I’m perfectly fine with being single & adopting a child, because I felt like it’s just not happening for me. Every single guy I met, I nit-picked to death. Every single guy I thought had potential, I thought they would end up breaking my heart, were going to be a dick/jerk, and didn’t even want to try. Every single guy I liked, never noticed me until after I stopped liking them. I just didn’t want to get hurt anymore. But wow, tonight changed everything. I’m genuinely happy. I think I found someone I can just not only be myself around, but can't believe how fast the time passes by when I'm with them. I hope everything works out. I haven’t felt this way in a really long time and it’s so refreshing. I’m excited to see how this all plays out. Strange how it even started, so unexpected, so out of the blue. But I guess that’s what makes it even more meaningful, that it just happened without forcing anything. I hope my heart’s not being foolish. Please prove me wrong.

I admit it
This just aien't no game these just aien't words
That I'm spitting
If you could see the thoughts thats in my head
I’m tripping
Ima playa, that is true
But I change the game for you
Lets see what it do

Can I be foreal?
This is how I feel
I’m in need of love
So let’s dip up out of here
Oh you're just my type
Everything's so right
I just wanna chill
Lets dip up out of here

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ahh
She's fine too but I want you
So what you want me to do?

Today’s going to be an eventful day
w/ gym. indianfood+mochilato w/ genie&sonali. beach. cousin's grad. DC party/sesh.
I'm so effing happy =D
Hope you all are having better days.

<3 kimmiko

ps. on my mind: "age is mind over matter. if you don't mind. it doesn't matter" "be careful of things that move too fast and things that move too slow." "do you believe in serendipity? how do you know... you'll just know..."

ps2. real talk: there's so many thoughts going on in my head that i hate when i'm like this. I hate that i'm so intellectual and smart sometimes. It causes me to overanalyze situations that I should just essentially take at face value and follow my heart and gut about. Like right now. My mind tells me to not get hurt, take it slow, reminds me of patience, reminds me of the fucked up past, reminds me that i'm scared and forever scarred. My heart tells me that theres hope, that i've never felt this way before, that it's so genuine & comfortable, that I'm genuinely happy, that it's so real. But what do i do when my heart and mind are on two different pages? I hate that I've been gifted with an amazing ability to reason. Sometimes it's too much for my own good. FML. I don't want to be like this forever. I'm scared that I'll be lonely, not because no one will love me, but because I'm too scared that there's not enough of "this type love" that it'll die & fail. Deep down, I know I can't take another physical, emotional, and heart filled beating. I know some people think I'm strong and have come a long way, but almost a year later I'm still not even completely over it. Still traumatized, still full of anger&sadness, still hoping that one day i'll wake up and forget that the whole thing even happened and it wouldn't phase me for even a second. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what kind of pain & sadness i've experienced. I told myself that I never want to see myself hit rock bottom again. Never. I guess that's why I built this wall. For both reasons--to not only keep people out, but also see who is willing enough to break it down. Gah... as you can see there's so much shit going on in my head right now. I'm just going to stop writing...

I Can Change Your Life…If You Let Me

2009-05-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

Lloyd - I Can Change Your Life

OnRepeat: Lloyd - I Can Change Your Life
CurrentlyReading: 'The Last Lecture' by Randy Pausch, with Jeffrey Zaslow
TheMessage: “I’m so effing inspired. <3” style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Heart2Heart. Wow. When I heard this song in eric's car…I can’t even put into words how I felt. But I fell in love with it. This song is my effing theme song mang. It’s so beautiful and fits my life atm perfectly. I’m determined to choreograph to it [2:22-3:07/end], and my goal is that by watching it, I want you to "feel it." And when I do choreograph to it, it’ll be dedicated to my family and friends.

I know just what you need and
Let me provide it
There's no need to fight this thing yeah... ohh
Cause as long as I'm breathing
You can believe it
Throw it down on everything I love
I wanna be, I wanna be yeah
I wanna be, I wanna be yeah, yeah
Definite, permanent, perfect fit, for you

I can change your life
If you let me
I can do it
I know just what you need
I can change your life
I can make you happy
Girl if you let me
I'll make your puzzle complete

I can change your…

Finalwords. Mang... I've been looking for a song with so much "feeling." When I dance, to me it doesn't matter how good I am, all that matters is how I feel about what I'm dancing. And dyam, I'm so driven and inspired to show it through this upcoming piece. =D

I had an amazing week last week thanks to my family & bmoders.
Judgment Day is today, wish me & CG luck =/
Hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

I’m grown.

2009-05-08T04:23:00.000-07:00

I know you met me when I was a little kid, but I’m not a little kid anymore.

OnRepeat: Tiffany Evans – I’m Grown
CurrentlyCraving: to be FUCKING happy, for these next 3 days of my break to be AMAZING, and that this night ended differently.
TheMessage: “I’m not “KJ’s LITTLE SISTER. My name is Kimberly-Ann Motherf*cking Maniego and I’m grown.”

VENT. I normally don’t go on here to vent. But it’s been bothering me for months now. I fucking love BMOD. I think of them as my family as well. I love every single dancer on that team and am always down for them. I even rock their BEAST MODE shirts to my own damn practice! LOL. Anyways, because its my week break from CG and miraculously I got work off all week as well, I was down to drive to Hollywood to support B.MOD @ Level 3 for their club event/fundraiser. I invited CG and out of 45 people, 3 were down to go [Rob.Joe.Genie] which is sad but whatever, it ended up being good shit because I love those beezyz n they’re good times. I’m glad they had fun, but I felt like such a kill joy because I wasn’t having fun. I was actually sad. I mean when I got there, I was hella excited. Happy to see everyone. I cheered so effing loud for them while they performed. I went there with the mentality of “I want to support BMOD and dance the night away with them.” But it sucks when GUYS don’t want to dance with me because my KUYA is there. What kind of High School bullshit is that? I mean I understand they knew him first so they didn't want to "disrespect," but frealz I just wanted to dance... and frankly, I see nothing wrong with dancing, we are dancers anyways, aren't we? I got so many upsetting responses, “Is KJ over-protective of you?” “I can’t dance with you, KJ’s here, he’s my Ading, that’s weird.” “I can’t dance with you, your KJ’s lil sis” etc, etc. After the 4th denied dance [and I'm shy, I normally don't initiate dances or ask guys to dance], I ended up just sitting there and watched everyone have fun dancing with each other. I tried not to show that I was sad because I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s night. But FUCK. That shit hella sucked for me. I mean I danced with everyone [guys & girls], but that killed it for me. To make matters worse, I tried to vent to my kuya about it and that fool didn’t even care. I was like thanks niggy for being there for me.

GROWN. Although my brother & I don’t look alike, we are related. I am his younger sister. But to be honest, I’m more like the Ate. I don’t want to be known as “KJ’s Little Sister.” That shit irritates me. My name is Kimberly-Ann “kimmiko” Maniego. I know you met me when I was a little kid, but I’m not a little kid anymore. Stop looking at me like I’m still “little”. Stop treating me like I’m still a “youngin.” If you took the time to get to know me, you’d find that I’m hella intellectual, independent, and mature. I’m GROWN. Better recognize that.

After randomly talking to Sam on DC about this issue, he said “why even bother with guys that trip about it? not worth your time anyway if they don't have the balls to just go for it.” and he’s effing right. I’m my own individual. I don’t want to be known as KJ’s Little Sister. I have a name. I'm turning 21 in less than 2 weeks. I’m grown. I’m not going to trip about it anymore because it’s over and done with. But man. I still wish that night ended differently. I just wanted to have fun. Spend time hanging out/clubbing/dancing with people I truly love. It was just “dancing.” I just wished they could get over that stupid issue. On the flip side, I do appreciate Karl, Jesse, Paul, Eric, & Joe for asking me to dance & dancing with me. I wished we got to dance the night away more. Thanks for always trying to make me smile [jerkin', sesh, lap dances, etc] & making sure I had "fun." Hella appreciate it. Also, some highlights of the night: the sesh circles [watchin Jesse & KJ get buck, eric break, paul house, etc.], bmod perf [they killed that shit], karl's fan club [those groupie girls], april cristal [i miss this beezy], and the fact that bmod has fun dancing [when CG clubbed they were a bunch of wall-flowers WHOMP WHOMPZ].

Hope you guys are having better days.
I’m free FRIDAY-SUNDAY so hit me up =D
BTW, I updated my last 2 blogg entries so check that out.
<3 kimmiko

For Once, I'm Free!

2009-05-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

***Updated: this blogg will be updated throughout the week so check back for updates!***

Did I mention how much I love white lilies?

OnRepeat: Chromeo – Bonafied Lovin
CurrentlyCraving: A week full of adventure, fun, and relaxation
TheMessage: “PERFECT. I’m done w/ midterms & on top of getting a week break from CG practice, I got work off all week too. SO I’m completely FREE! Let’s effing chill pls =D”

PerfectWeek: Because I’m a workaholic busybee, when I actually have free time I try and chill with as many people as possible, do as many fun/relaxing things that I can, and splurge on shopping and food. LOL. So with that being said, FOR ONCE, everyday this week, I’M FREE!

itinerary:

Tuesday. Midterm 11-1230. I was late 10 minutes, but finished 10 minutes early. I for sure ACED that shit and also he accepted my late homework from last week that I didn’t turn in because I was sick and couldn’t wake up for escuela. NICE! I also have a CG Directors Meeting at 9pm-Midnight to talk about scholarship, Body Rock, & next year’s board [judgment week]. But during the inbetween time, I’m going to get food with Genie =D Mitsuwa & Mochilato. After the directors meeting, I’ll probably finish my homework and get studying out of the way so I’m completely free of academic obligations/guilt/stress.

***update 5AM. Yin&Yang. Chillen was good time. Directors meeting [lasted 5 hrs] was bittersweet. Glad I got to talk to Dan again. I missed him. I hope everything works out. Afterwards, nocturnal AIM conversation w/ Anthony. Only can some it up in a couple phrases: be careful who you trust, hang in there, bite your tongue, keep your head up, don't forget to pray. ***

mochilato =D

Wednesday. I want to go to Disneyland. I e-mailed CG and those beezyz are being non-responsive [prolly resting up & handling their shit, catchin up on school and work]. But regardless, I’m going w/ Jho, Kirk, Celene, Jasmine, my kuya and hopefully B & Co. haha. Dole Whip, Churro, Foot-Long Corn Dog, & Fireworks here we come!!

***update 2AM. Lame. Dland closed at 8pm today. CA closed at 6pm. Regardless I still had fun. Afterwards we [jho, kirk, jas, kj, me, b, patti, genie] headed over to Cerritos [Mr. Lees] for $9.99 all-you-can-eat korean bbq! Then we went to Dolphin Bay for dessert. Afterwards, I met up with Simbol for mixed shaved ice @ guppies. gahh im such a fatty this week. oh well, it was good times chillen with so many people and I guess I got what I wanted: to splurge. Now I'm off to one of my "spots" seaside =D***

Disneyland is my favorite place ever <3

Thursday. CG Pool/BBQ/Chillback @ Q'z place in Irvine during the day n at night me, Joe [pbf/bestie], Genie, & Rob are going to support B.Mod @ their Club Event at Level 3. I’m so effing down to party, dance, and just have a good time =D

***update Morn. eww... i found out i have a dentist apt @ 1pm so I'm going to be late to Q's. Thanks Dan for being there. Then I have hella errands to run before Genie gets to my pad at 7pm [alteration place, DMV which will take forever, home home to LBC]***

B.Mod @ Level 3 on May 7, Thursday

Friday. Change of plans, my mom's down to eat dinner on Sunday. So I'm going to VDC Study Sesh [paper due, study for stats tests, 3 papers due next week] it up w/ Andy, then afterwards chill =D

***update 430am. Wow. So today I study sesh'd w/ Anddayy @ VDC from 430-1030. 6 freaking hours! I didn't even move from my spot to take a break or anything. Sadly Andy was there 3 hours before I was, hopefully he got his paper finished. After studying my ass off, I wanted to go out and do something because I didn't wanna be stuck at home on a Friday night. So I ate @ Cheesecake Factory w/ Jean and we watched the 110am showing of Star Trek. I feel so nerdy because I effing loved the movie. It made me think about a lot of things. I want to do more research and watch the movie again. So if you haven't watched it, lemme know, I'll watch it with you =D Now, I'm packing my stuff to head home to LBC. My dad needs to work on my car and I'm going to do some more studying during the day. Hopefully I find something to do at night.***
Saturday. I’m FREE! but idk if I'ma be in LBC or OC. Just hit me up and we'll work something out. I'm down for whatever =D

***update 400pm. Wow. So I'm the type of person who plans my life down to the hour. I was spose to hang out with a homie. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but I found out he lied to my face. 1) you don't gotta lie to kick it 2) i hate flakes & liars 3) i hate being the nice girl [they finish last]. So whatevz, I'm super busy but I'll make time for whoeverz down for me. my bestie said "fuck that nigga, drop his ass." word. So now, I'm going to visit my lola at the hospital [she had heart failure on wed]. N since I'm free, I'm going to chill w/ eric =D***

***updatept2 245am. what an amazing night =D after an upsetting day at the hospital. I got closer to my dad and actually understand him now. I'm not mad at him anymore. I'm not angry at my dad's side of the family. After crying, smoking, and venting to my parents, eric picked me up from my apt and we [jas, kj, me n eric] went to eat KBBQ in cerritos, went to dolphin bay for drinks, and seaside for a failed donut hole run but a nice chill walk/talk on the beach & ended it with hella dank gellato. What a great night =D***
Sunday. I’m FREE during the day! No practice today because of mother's day. So we can either go to my “spots,”watch a movie, gamble, idk chill. But at Night, I'm treating my FAM out to BC cz my mom loves seafood.

***update 700pm. change of plans. my mom had to work today, so I'm going to treat my fam out to BC next weekend. I stayed at home, studied, updated sheroes myspace, created sheroes fbook fan page, and just chilled. Now I'm going to chill w/ Paul =D yay for dland fireworks and my "spots."***

***update 400am. what an amazing night/way to end the week. paul picked me up n we chilled at dland til midnite. dland was totally dead so it was 5-15 min wait for rides, NICE right? [yay for fireworks, riding space mountain 2x, pirates, mattahorn, thunder mountain]. n then i treated grace-suhh out 2 denny's. i'll pray for u love and i hope shit works out.***

Fun&Relaxation. What I don’t want is to stay at home alone when I have free time. I want to be OUT & ABOUT. I want to have fun and spend time with family & friends. I want to splurge [gamble, shop, eat]. I want to relax [beach night walk, visit my “spots,” recreational read]. So if you’re down to chill this week, have free time, or want to just talk. HIT ME UP MANG. I’m completely FREE for once! This is seriously rare. I'm praying for a perfect week. Help make it happen.

Hope you are all having better days.
BTW, I can’t wait til the videos are up on thatsfresh.com
N let’s chill! I’ll effing fit you into my schedule & make time for you. Don’t trip =D
<3 kimmiko

Dancing is our COMMON GROUND.

2009-05-04T16:37:00.000-07:00

***Updated: this blogg entries pictures & videos have been updated. check it out! ***

Ultimate Brawl 9: Battle of Distinction
UB. Common Ground Vegas Set. 2008-2009.
[thanks to thatsfresh.com]

OnRepeat: CG’s Ultimate Brawl Mix
CurrentlyCraving: watching CG’s performance @ UB [can’t wait til it’s up on Thatsfresh.com], chillen w/ CG [I wanna see you beezy’s already], and chillen w/ BMOD [I love these beezy’s too mang].
TheMessage: “Remember to dance your heart out on stage for each other, have fun, and put on a good show. If we do this, everything will fall into place.”

**Blogg is under construction. More pictures, videos, etc. ill be added in this upcoming week**

UB. After practicing til 2am almost every day the week before UB, to pushing through 2 midterms+1 test while being SICK, to graduating from UCLA the day before UB, to getting 3 hours of sleep UB Day, it freaking paid off. “I’m going to dance my heart out on that stage for you guys, I LOVE YOU CG” were my final words before we brought it in before our performance. CG has NEVER placed at UB. And we got 1st place!! [Congrats to CADC for 2nd, PAC for 3rd, n BMOD n 220 they were sick!!]. Never have we gotten 1st place at ANY competition. Man, I was so freaking emotional that day. I missed that feeling. The reason why I loved Common Ground so much was because what it stood for. That although we may all come from different backgrounds,etc, dancing is our Common Ground. We were always known to be the UNDERDOGS. But because this year is our 5th year anniversary, we wanted to do it BIG. Go Big or Go Home.”I’M ALL IN, are you going to call me?” is what I’d always tell the team. I missed that feeling. Everyone was on the same page. Everyone performed their heart out on that stage. Not for the audience. Not for the Judges. But for each other. Mang could you feel the LOVE on that stage. After we performed, I was so effing genuinely happy I just knew we put on a good show. I could effing FEEL IT during those 6 amazing minutes on stage. I cried. Cried so hard because I was happy. I haven’t felt this feeling since 3 years ago @ Prelude. Only, this feeling was better. Better because I didn’t care if we placed. This feeling was what I wanted to feel and what I’ve been chasing for 3 years, and to just experience it again with people that I love because they truly inspire me everyday to be a better director, dancer, and person, was more than any trophy or award could bring me. Like the host Angie said, "CG, that WIN was WELL-DESERVED". Every single one of you betches are SICK. Our set is SICK. and thank you for the memories & the feelings. I will never forget it.

UB. Awards Ceremony/Bloopers thanks to Traceface. 2008-2009.
[watch Chris & Leo get excited when they say "Kaba Modern" 2:07, Big B appear out of nowhere at 2:35, Me scream & hug everyone at 2:43, Clarence cry like a baby at 3:24, etc]

UB. CG Founders & Directors. 2008-2009.

UB. GAMMA CLASS... 3 years and 5 strong. 2008-2009.

UB. traceface mylimbz n I. 2008-2009.

UB. CG's PCD's "wannabe" serious poses. 2008-2009.

UB. Traceface & I. I effing LOVE her. 2008-2009.

UB. Lorettz, Me, & Traceface [3 PCD]. 2008-2009.

UB. BI for Life =D. 2008-2009.

UB. CGDT "funny" poses. 2008-2009.

UB.CG u KNOW!. 2008-2009.

UB. CGDT+Alumni. 2008-2009.

UB. CGDT+our 909 Runners. 2008-2009.

UB. CGDT+1st place trophy. 2008-2009.

**Blogg is under construction. More pictures, videos, etc. ill be added in this upcoming week**

My final words on this blog, “CG you KNOW! on 3. 1…2…3… CG YOU KNOW!!!

Don’t forget about my 21st B’day Vegas Trip May 22-24.
Save monies & i'll email out my itinerary soon.
Enjoy the week break betches.
[we better hang out tho, DLAND, BC, KBBQ, VDC NITE, GAMBLING, FISHING, etc.]
BODY ROCK here we come!!!
Come ready to work next week for BODY ROCK.
<3 kimmiko

Goodbye April…Hello May

2009-05-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

Love the Vegas Nightlife [lights, gambling, fashion, and high-end luxury]

OnRepeat: Kenna - Rockaway Life Feat. Justin Timberlake
CurrentlyCraving: A break, Continental Fried Rice from Coconut Bay, and to be Happy
TheMessage: “May’s going to be the month to remember.”

HelloMay. Wow. Can you believe we are almost half-way done with the year 2009? Time flies, whether or not you’re having fun LOL. But for this month in particular, I hope it slows down so that I can enjoy life. There’s so much going on this month, I feel like everyone’s B’DAY is in MAY, academic schedule for midterms, essays, projects etc is hectic, and everyone’s too busy prepping for summer plans. But regardless, there’s so much I want to accomplish, If there’s anything I want more, it’s for things to work out for me this month.

May [1-9] Week 1: Graduation, Pacquiao Fight, Kuya KJ’s B’day, UB, Week Break, Judgment Week

I’m graduating from UCLA Anderson School of Business May 2nd, Saturday, [Riordan Healthcare Management] from 8-1130am. Afterwards I’m hoping to watch X-Men:Origins or eat KBBQ w/ CG before our Saturday Run-Throughs, sucks that we have CG during the Manny Pacquiao vs Ricky Hatton fight. I hope someone texts me updates.

My Kuya’s 24th B’day is May 3rd, Sunday, and he’s celebrating it in Vegas [ironic because I’m going to be there 2 weeks later]. Anyways, I hope he has a good time. I think I got him sick so it’s unfortunate that he has to on his Vegas trip sick. He’ll probably end up infecting others at the Pacquiao after party. FUN!

On May 3rd,Sunday, 909 will host Ultimate Brawl, considered one of the finest shows put together in our ever-expanding dance community. This year is UB’s 9th year anniversary and the theme for this special year is “Battle of Distinction.” This will be the last time CG will be performing their new set, so please come out and support us. I’m happy I get to see my dancer friends again and perform/compete for CG. Gluck to those teams that have hell week [GRV, BMOD, DC], continue to push and work hard! I’m excited for UB and I’ll see you guys there =D

I’m FREE! after UB that is. CG gets a week break! This is exactly what I needed to recuperate and unwind from sleep deprivation, pushing my body during late-night practices to the point where I almost pass out, and being sick for 2 weeks. With that being said, it’ll also be judgment week for me [Directors will be meeting to talk about CG’s set for BodyRock & the New CG Board for next year]. I want to chill, I for sure want to go to Skyline, Seaside, Angel’s Gate Park, Top of the World, and Disneyland.

May [10-16] Week 2: Mother’s Day, Essay/Test Week, SF Photoshoot/Practice

I want to take my family out for dinner on Mother’s Day. My mom likes seafood, so I’m thinking Boiling Crab since no one in my family has eaten there. I don’t mind dropping a few bills on a couple pounds of oysters, crabs, shrimp, and crawfish w/ “the whole sha-bang” =D I have hella essays/tests due this week. I'm sure I'll be pulling a lot of all-niters and study sessions so feel free to join me. Street Family Photo Shoot & Practices start up. I'm excited =D

May [17-23] Week 3: 21st B’day, Vegas Weekend

May 20, 2009 I'm turning 21! I want to have a birthday week LOL. I never do anything for myself, so I can officially say that I’m allowed to splurge on myself for once, especially at this time. During the day, I’m going to Disneyland so you pass holders come join me! At night, I have practice, but that doesn’t mean you people can’t drop by and visit =D Thursday the 21st lets go to DNBz or something. Fri-Sun, 22-24 weekend, is my VEGAS B’day weekend and I have a suite at the Palazzo!

Hella dancers are gonna be there, MAYVN’s going on their vegas trip, Sheroes is going on their vegas trip, I invited CG & some BMODers. I’m going to send out an itinerary of what’ll go on that weekend, people can choose to follow it or not, but it’s a compilation of my favorite things to do in Vegas and I’d love to share what I love to see & do in Vegas with someone. BTW, feel free to drink and go crazy just keep in mind that I don’t want to get drunk because I want to remember my Vegas weekend. I’m down to take shots, but just be careful if you’re going to make me a drink or buy me one because I’m allergic to malt liquor, my throat swells up, and I don’t want to die. But anyways, I never do anything for my B’day, so I’m hella excited! I hope people can make it out, cz it’ll be fun! I want to take hella pictures and make hella memories. So, let’s do this! IT’S VEGAS BABY!! Oh and it’s also hella heads b’days this month too [Hutton 10, Anthony&Richard 18, Matt 19, Me 20, Teen 21, Julian 22, Jeff 24, Colette 27, Jenny 28, etc.]!

May [24-31] Week 4: Bartending School, SURP

Start going to National Bartending School of America to become a certified bartender. I worked in the restaurant industry for 3.5 years [Claim Jumper 2005-2008]. I worked at CJ LBC as a hostess/lead hostess for a year, transferred to CJ Torrance as a cocktail waitress/server for a year, and transferred to CG Irvine as a server/lead server for a year and a half and then quit [long dramatic story there, ask me about it sometime]. Anyways, having a lot of bartender friends and being in the industry for a long time, I found that restaurant bartenders make bank! On top of their actual wage, [for CJ] they get 2% tips from the cocktail waitresses [$10 x 2 =$20], 1% tips from the servers on the floor [$5 x 8 =$40], and anything that hits their countertop/saloon. So on a bad night it’ll be around $125 in tips [not including bi-monthly paychecks] and on a good night it’ll be around $300-500 in tips [not including bi-monthly paychecks]. I basically have the restaurant experience under my belt, I just have to be knowledgeable about my liquors and how to mix drinks.
I wanted to be “legit” and actually get certified so that I can bartend at parties, clubs, and do cool flair bartending [tricks]. I also need a summer job to save up for grad school apps and all the expenses for my senior year. But, I’m not an alcoholic, I actually don’t really drink [long personal story ask me if you really want to know]. But I love the rush/adrenaline of multi-tasking, making hella bank doing what I love, and making people try my drinks. My goal is to have a signature drink on the menue at a restaurant, so when you go there and open the saloon guide it’ll say restaurant name, location Kimberly-Ann Maniego drink name.

Prepare for my Summer plans with my Summer Research Project in which I’m traveling all over Northern and Southern California. I’ll update this more later.

MayMadness. What’s new? LOL. I’m a workaholic busybee so this month will be jam-packed with adventure. But I hope time does me a favor and slows down so that I can actually take in every single moment and enjoy life, especially during this month. I’ll keep you posted if anything changes. But for now, Goodbye April… Hello May! I’m excited, and this will surely be a month to remember.

My goal for this month is to be happy.
I’m praying everything works out for me.
Hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

word.

2009-04-28T03:32:00.000-07:00

**Update: Being the nerd that I am, I asked 20 ppl to try the ColorGenics profile and tell me what they think and how accurate their responses were. TRIPPY! [9 said 100% dead on, 8 said 90% accurate, 2 said 80% accurate, 1 said 60% accurate]**

**Update 2: So... my midterm went horribly wrong. After creating a 30 page study guide, reviewing the ppt slides, and studying the sample midterm exam. The 70 minute midterm [30% of my grade] exam ended up being 20 short answer questions & 6 essay questions = BS, frustration, and FAILURE. 6 ppl finished. she better curve that shit. FML. **

ColorGenics Profile

OnRepeat: Utada Hikaru - Sanctuary
CurrentlyReading: Management 151 Midterm Study Guide that I made [30 pgs long]
TheMessage: “Blue, Black, Grey, Purple, Green, Red, Yellow, and Orange = My ColorGenics Profile”

GoldinUniverse. It’s 330am and while taking a break from studying for my Management 151 midterm this afternoon, I decided to try this ColorGenics Profile test on GoldinUniverse by Paul Goldin Clinics. On GoldinUniverse you basically pick 8 colors ranking from which you feel most in harmony with. After inserting your name, it analyzes your color picks and creates a profile for you. After reading my ColorGenics Profile, I was kind of tripped out because it was dead on and hella interesting. You should try it and lemme know what you think about my profile & your profile.

________________________________________
Name: kimberly-ann maniego
Date: 4/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 17053246
________________________________________
At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. Your are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.
You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

Final words on this blog... "word."

study sesh @ vdc w/ traceface, andy, n carl epic fail cz these beezyz are sleeping.
So it’s hard for me to stay awake by myself -__-
But I gotta get back to being a nerd so I hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

ps. randomz: its 430am and today's gonna be one jampacked day. studying. 2 hour nap. midterm 2pm. class til 5pm. gym from 6-7pm. CHILL time finally! btw albeezy is the best! thanks for the "study-break" mang. i hope u woke up for your class. niglette i'm excited for seaside. ramy i'm looking forward to dinner [let's see if we can get marko & april to come w/].

ps2. its 630am. n epic failure w/ the study sesh @ vdc carl, anday, n traceface are STILL sleeping. carl [who has a paper due at 5pm] has slept the whole effing time lol. i hope he finishes. anday [who was jz keeping us company] is sleeping w/ my blanket & i have to leave so i guess ima jz let him have it. I'm sick, so I hope he doesn't wake up sick LOL. traceface [who has slept in irvine for the past 2 days] is jz chillen/sleeping. so I basically had to entertain myself and keep myself motivated to study on my own. it's nice knowing they are here tho =D i love these beezyz tho. <3

My heart died…

2009-04-27T07:43:00.000-07:00

OnRepeat: Chris Brown – Say Goodbye
CurrentlyReading: The Bible
TheMessage: “How do you let it go? When you, you just don't know? What's on the other side of the door when you're walking out…”

depressed. Gah. Monday morning. April 27, 2009 @ 645am I got in my car and cried. I completely broke down. On my last post, I shared some deep thoughts that have been on my mind lately. Although I have a lot of friends, I’m not the type of person to open up to anyone. I’m shy [although I may not appear that way in person] and I find writing to be a form of release. There are some things that I want to discuss and talk about, but since I can’t find the right words to express how I feel in person, I write. Anyways. I think it’s over. My heart died last night at practice. I realized that for the past 3 years, I was holding on to an idea, a feeling, and a hope that things would get better, would go back to the way they were, that I can be happy again. I guess you could say I was chasing a “ghost.” Something that was so beautiful, that I felt completely complimented me, that I would want to be a part of my life forever BUT is now non-existent—dead and gone. I kept telling myself to hang in there, to keep trying, it will eventually get better. I look at it as a relationship. I’m the type of person where if I’m in a relationship, I’m going to do anything and everything to make it work. I’ll talk it out, work it out, compromise, sacrifice, etc. because that way… if things don’t work out, I know that I tried everything I could. Going into this relationship, I was fully committed, loyal, hardworking, and selfless. I guess you could say I was stubborn and “in love.” But DAMNIT how love is blind. I realized that it’s stressing me out and causing me more pain than happiness. I realized that what I’m putting into the relationship, I’m not getting back. I can’t be in a relationship that’s a one-way street. I don't want to be "stuck." I think I at least deserve better than that. I realized that when I’m dwelling more on the negatives and can’t even remember any positives, it’s time to let it go. Deep down, I think I knew it was time to say goodbye, but I was in denial. I think that’s why it was bothering me so much. That I couldn’t accept the fact that it’s an unhealthy relationship and I needed a break or more realistically speaking--to leave. I guess you could say I’m scared. Scared of not knowing what’ll become of me now. I have backup plans, I always do… I plan my life down to the hour…but is this right? Is this really what’s best for me? I guess only time will tell. But for now, I’m going to work on verbally saying goodbye, picking up the pieces of my life, preparing to start over and be committed to walking away. It’s really hard. So weird how it physically hurts. I hate being depressed, I’m usually not an emo person. I’m usually a really optimistic, driven, and independent individual. But, I guess it’s just my heart is broken.

get it together. it's 730am and although I wish I could just drop everything and go to my “spots” so that I could feel better. I can’t. I wish time could stop right now. But it won’t. So I’m going to push. I'm going to keep praying. Other than that sadness on my mind, I need some sleep because I’m still sick and CG hell week isn’t helping me. I have 2midterms + 1 test this week [my thurs midterm & friday test I’m prepared for, but my tues midterm I’m only ½ done with my study guide -__- ]. Do me a favor if you read this blogg and check up on me yah? I’m kind of worried for myself.

If you know whom I’m referring to, please keep it to yourself.
I’m planning on officially saying my goodbye when I’m ready.
Other than that, I hope you are all having better days.
<3 kimmiko

ps. The videos from workshops are now posted. N gluck to all the teams that are going through midterms, tests, hell weeks, etc. We are in the same boat homiez. Just keep moving forward and you'll be alright.

ps2. Study sesh @ vdc w/ carl, andy, traceface have commenced again. I'm prolly gonna pull an all-niter for my midterm tomorrow. Feel free to join me/us and be my study buddy.

Which Path Should I Take?

2009-04-26T04:56:00.000-07:00

**Update: The videos from the CG workshops are now posted enjoy :] **

OnRepeat: OneRepublic – Say (All I Need)
CurrentlyCraving: Cloves, Skyline Park, and Midnight Stroll on the Beach
TheMessage: “Torn— between a desire to improve the world [selfless] and a desire to enjoy the world [selfish]”

**Update: The videos from the CG workshops are now posted enjoy :] **

This upcoming week is going to be a big BITCH with me being sick, CG hell week, and 2 midterms+1test all jammed together. With that being said, I wished I could be here:

Skyline Park at Sunset til Midnight

…to just clear my head. Something about being at places like this brings a sense of clarity to my life. I think it’s being able to appreciate the beauty of looking 360 degrees around to the thousands of city lights below and taking in the sound, smell, and sight of the ocean. It calms me and makes me realize that whatever I’m feeling at the moment just feels so miniscule in comparison to all of this. I also think it’s just breathe-taking, that I can finally just “release,” scream at the top of my lungs if I have to, cry without being scared/ashamed of what others will think or say, and just be “me.” Hopefully after UB, I get to go to Angel’s Gate Park, Dland for fireworks, take a midnight stroll on the beach, and go to my favorite place in the world—Skyline.

I effing hate myself right now. This phrase has been going through my mind a lot lately. I never thought I’d be at a point in my life where there’s not just two paths in the road, there’s three paths and following those paths are two more paths behind each of them, and to make matters worse, they’re all inter-related. I’m usually a really self-less person. I’m the “nice girl that always finishes last.” The one who works behind the scenes to get shit done, knowing 1) that there will only be a handful of people who truly notice and appreciate what I do and 2) not to expect anything in return. Normally, I’d put my team, my friends, my family, anything and everything before myself, regardless of how shitty and how depressed/angry/[insert emotion here] I’m feeling. But, I feel like it’s gotten to that point where I need to worry about me. I’m so concerned about making things work for everyone else, but deep down am I really happy? I found myself in a state of déjàvu contemplating these questions again [I was in this same position around the same time last year]. I hate being torn and feeling the pressure of making a decision that not only affects me, but also those around me.

Path1-3. Dance. I hate when you’re doing something that you love, but it doesn’t feel “right.” I love dancing—ballet, jazz, lyrical, contemporary, hip hop, etc. Dance has always been a big part of my life growing up. I'm not an amazing dancer. But to me, it's not about how well you dance, it's about how you feel when your dancing. It’s always been one of my loves and passions that I even made it a personal goal/promise to open up a dance studio after Grad School. However, for now, I don’t know if I’m really happy where I am. I know that next year will be my last competing year, afterward if I choose to continue dancing it would only be with exhibition teams and maybe a couple projects here and there. With CG’s season coming to an end after BODYROCK, I don’t know where I stand. I used to stress about it early on in the season because I tend to plan my life [present & future] down to the hour and it was one of those situations that I didn’t have a solution for. Do I leave when my Oldie class leaves [I’m the youngest oldie and it would be a good way to end the season w/ BODYROCK]? Do I stay and fulfill my 4 years on CG as a dancer and director? If I do stay, am I staying because people don’t want me to leave because they need me [as a leader and dancer], or am I staying because I want to be there? Am I even happy anymore [am I growing as a dancer, is it worth my time, what am I getting out of it]? If I stay, will I be able to commit a whole year [knowing that it’ll be a whole new team, my oldie class won’t be there with me, and that it’s my senior year]? If I stay, will I be able to change things [will I be able to make things back to how they were 3 years ago]? If I don’t stay, where will I go? Will I be able to fit in there [family wise, dancing wise, etc] if I do chose to leave? So many effing thoughts and questions have been running through my head and they all demand answers before the end of UB. I have one week to get my shit together and pick a path and commit to it. I’m the type of person that never goes back on their word. If I tell you I’m going to do something, I’ll do it. I’m a workaholic and overachiever, so if I say I’m staying, I’m staying and going to be 110% “about it” supporting that shit [being involved, working hard as a dancer/director, etc] til the next year. I just hope that whatever path I choose, people understand and respect it.

Path4-5. Summer. I hate when one decision affects a series of other choices afterwards. This summer, I’m unfortunately not doing CG’s Summer Squad [missing out yet again on fun performances like Anime Expo, Fashion Shows, & Charity Showcases] because I’m supposed to take GMAT classes, go to bartending school [become a certified bartender], and be one of the managers for CAMP GROUND [CG’s Summer Dance Intensive Program] running the camp and handling the finances [Mon-Thurs]. However, there have also been 2 opportunities that are pretty tempting and could render really promising results if I commit to them, but they require me to drop all prior obligations and commitments that I have planned or already made. So I don’t know where I stand here either. Can I afford to drop all prior arrangements? Will I be able to make it far if I pick the opportunities that may possibly render fame&fortune? Why am I doing any of this anyways? I just hope that whatever path I choose, I make the best of it.

“If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.”
I’m torn. I usually tend to “begin with the end in mind,” yet with these paths, I can’t really see how things will play out if I choose one path over the other path. I’ve been praying for discernment and clarity. I hope the decision I make is the right one. I talked to my good friend Ramy [“your back, I has it”] over the phone about this shit. He helped me see things clearly, gave his recommendation on what I should do with my life, and what would be best for me. Thanks for always being there for me, listening to me, I hella appreciate it fool :] But, I’m also still kind of waiting it out. I don’t know if my feelings on this matter will fluctuate like how they did in the past. I guess only time will tell.

My final words on this blog. I just want to be happy. Being happy to me means being successful, being successful to me means making a difference. However, distinguishing whether or not I want to make a difference by being selfless or selfish is the final question.

Hope you are all having better days.
Sorry this post wasn't so positive :[
But I appreciate you listening/reading whats been on my mind.
<3 kimmiko

ps. CG workshops were fun. Thanks to those of you that taught [Andrew, Rob&Neil, Addie, BAM]. Thanks for those of you that came to support [CG/UG/BMOD]. However, the fundraiser was really unsuccessful so we will be discontinuing our workshops. WHOMP WHOMPZ :[ I'll post the videos as soon as they are up. Also, I <3 jas, kuya kj, n jean for making my night a lot better.

Andrew's 1st Class :]

Rob & Neil's Class

Me & Addie's Class <3>

BAM's Class

ps2. After UB. I'm in dire need of some chill time before my b'day. Let's make some plans. If you're into scenic spots, i'll take you to all my "spots." We can just kick rockz and engage in deep talks about life/vent.

Down with the Sickness

2009-04-23T23:59:00.001-07:00

My Current Sickness Remedies: Drugs, Ramen, OJ, & Musiq

OnRepeat: Adele - Chasing Pavements
CurrentlyReading: The Monkey and the Fish by Dave Gibbons
TheMessage: ”::kawawa face:: I hate being sick. Someone bring me soup & keep me company!”

SystemFail. Gah. I’m sick. I started to feel the effects of sleep deprivation and stress after Fusion, but didn’t think it would affect me so much. Darn. I guess I owe it to my body to rest for pushing so hard last week, I just hope that I can get better before our hell week for UB. I’ve been so weak lately, sleeping a lot, bed-ridden, missing classes, etc. I couldn’t even stay up to study for my midterm [I was the annoying girl in class that coughed & blew her nose every 5 mins. I also, didn’t do so well on my midterm. gahh if only I had enough energy/strength to stay up and study]. Emo moment: This is the time I wish I had someone to take care of me. Someone to bring me soup & keep me company while I’m helplessly sick. LOL.

OnMyMind. summary of the crazyness going on in my head as I'm sick & confined to this bed. CGWorkshops. Addie & I started collabo-ing for our class this Saturday. It’s been good times. One word for our piece: IGGNANT. I honestly picture my Sheroes ladies saying “Iggz” when they see it LOL. UROP/SURP. My proposal is due on Monday and I’m trying to pull an all-nighter to get it done ASAP. Hope I get approved for $3000 =D. Midterms. FML. I have two midterms and a test [week 5] next week during UB hell week. Even though I’m sick, I’m trying to study session early. So this Friday & Saturday are going to be devoted to me resting and studying [especially since someone couldn’t hang out with me anymore =P]. Anyways, if I study by myself, I tend to get really lazy and have A.D.D. It really helps me stay focused if someone else is there with me. Want to be my study buddy? I’m down to drive wherevz [I don’t sleep til 6am, I’m nocturnal] and I can cook & make us coffee =D SlowDown. Is it me? Or has 2009 gone by so fast? A quarter of the year is almost gone, my kuya’s b’day is coming up, CG’s season is almost over, and I’m turning 21. WTF. Can life just do me a favor and just slow down so I can appreciate it. Thanks. BAGWSH. Keone&Mari’s Proj was amazing. Every freaking time I watch the couple’s piece I’m in awe and think to myself damn one day I want to share that same happiness. Another Emo moment: I wish I had a boyfriend that danced. So that if we did a couples piece there would be genuinely real chemistry there, not some staged chemistry. I want people to feel it, kind of like how I felt it being portrayed through their project. One day...one day... lol. Weather. Someone tell me what the eff is going on with the weather? I swear this week we were in the high 90s, then it dropped to low 70s. It better snow next week so I can go snowboarding =D It’ll help balance things out. KickinRockz. For the past 2 months, I haven’t really chilled. I’ve been craving Disneyland [dole whip, fireworks, & churros], Seaside [donut holes & ham&chs croissants], Angel’s Gate Park [view is breathtaking], Movies [I want to watch Coraline in 3-D, Fast & the Furious, Observe & Report, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Angels & Demons, & Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian], Gambling, Snowboarding, and Fishing/Karaoke Nights. Hopefully after UB, I should have time to chill before my B’day & BodyRock.

Excuse my randomness for this blog post.
Hope you are all having better days.
When I get better let's chill yea?
<3 kimmiko

ps. FUCKIN ANDY hahaha. We [andy, traceface, and I] are at VDC for a study sesh and we just watched CG's Fusion Performance [taken by thatsfresh.com] over and over, laughing at everyones cracked out facials, everyones fuck-ups, wardrobe malfunctions, dirrtty ass transitions and pieces, and slow-moing & rewinding it over and over again on our favorite people while adding sound effects. Oh good times =D ~2am

ps2. Oh Em Gee hahaha. We took a break to look at the pictures Marc sent us from Fusion from the photographer [Eric Kim] and how hilarious were those 140 pictures!! I was praying that there weren't gonna be any revealing/awkward/ugly shots. Some of them were dope, most of em were UGLY as hell, a few hella awkward [coochy shots, awkward stills, etc], and a couple of em are my favorites [ie. Andy in intro, BK's face in poppin, end of closer, etc]. After laughing & coughing so hard, we all agreed that the photographer did the job of capturing our VEGAS set. Hopefully this helps CG tone down their cracked out facials and keep us smiling through this next hell week. =D ~330am